Originally Posted by AdoptedOne
Thanks for the replies inri. Some of my early posts from last year were a bit extreme about suicide especially. It's not that I "feel" worried about this change it's more not understanding it and wondering what the hell I am going through. I went through most of my life feelings emotions, lots of ups and downs then suddenly (and I can't exactly remember when) but it was over a year ago now probably longer, while meditating I felt some energy shoot up my spine and I felt this euphoria my vision seems really clear all of a sudden when I looked outside. I was aware my mind was totally empty and free from "inner chatter". This "No mind" state has been with me ever since and I guess like you said I have achieved a "Silent Witness", "Enlightenment" state of mind. You know something weird I often find men and women, even animals staring at me people even stare at me If I look scruffy or whatever. It doesn't happen all the time of course but it's something iv'e noticed since this change happened. Perhaps they can feel my prescence or something? I have heard "Enlightened" people give off a certain prescence that others are aware of. Honestly I don't think I can go back to the way my mind was it has definately evolved I tried doing affirmations some months ago and really trying to get my mind to react I would tell myself how attractive I was and that I'm confident, but my mind had no reaction. Even If I tell myself I suck, I'm a loser etc again my mind has no reaction no emotional association with the thoughts. I guess in a way this is a gift I just need to try and give off a better energy I don't seem very approachable to people. Something else I have noticed is I feel the same when alone or with others I don't get lonely anymore, I don't feel I need to be with a partner need to have friends I am content alone or with others although before I was always quite an introverted person but I realize now loniless is all in the mind.
A person I was casually introduced to in a bar a while back knew I was "different" he said I was quiet and when I asked why he said something about me being psychic or something but it seems he could pick up on something about me.
Yes, there is no doubt that if one reads through your first posts to date, there is a definite indication of your movement towards more acceptance of this state you describe.
It's seems to me that your initial activation and identification of the silent witness within, caused an egoic/lower self reaction of resistance to this new and strange seeming perspective...this would explain the great emotional angst you were feeling 'about' this experience.
I imagine the more you move into greater levels of acceptance regarding this state of being, the more you will in fact experience the peace of this vantage point of non-judgment...and with this, you will likely lose your desire to change anything about your state of being.
the observer within does not judge in the sense that it experiences emotion....it's an experience of pure 'isness'...simply observing dispassinately...therefore, whenever we are feeling contrary emotions, it's a sure bet that we have moved from the position of the observer, to a perspective that is more egoic in nature.
I've had some similar experiences myself and all I can say is that when I resisted the experience, not only did I suffer, (lol...and wonder if I was going nutty!).... but my resistance ensured that I remained 'stuck' in that perspective...however, when I completely accepted my experience (stopped entertaining negative perspectives about it)...it evolved and actually transformed.....I moved from feeling 'empty' and devoid of anything to experiencing the profound peacefulness of the silent witness...in my estimation,it's really all just about making a minor shift in perspective.
Once you accept what's happening with all levels of your being, it will evolve....we only stay 'stuck' in a perspective or experience of reality when we focus upon the negatives inherent within it...to accept is to allow the flow of energy....I do think you're seeing this yourself and I suspect that very soon, you'll be coming here to post about the deep peace you are experiencing...hope so!