Originally Posted by AdoptedOne
Hi there first off I want to touch on what you said about emptiness. Obviously I don't you or what you experience, or the feelings you experience but I find when most people talk about feeling "empty" they are refering to some sort of depression. I don't feel depressed I haven't for a longtime. I used to have depression often as a youth I even saw a psycholigist regularly at 13 and 14 years old. This is not depression, I don't feel "down", pessimistic, lonely etc what I am experiencing is more like nothingness, a constant (near constant) state of being neutral or indifferent.
By the way I may not explain myself very well in my posts but I do experience emotions including posititve ones however compared to before they're short lived and for whatever reason I no longer feel emotion or feelings through my thinking or thoughts anymore I can choose to have a thought or not to. For example the other night my brother came home late I was in bed but I came down to get something to drink and we were just talking and having a laugh and it felt good but 5 minutes later it's like it never happened, the same if I watch a favourite comedy I will laugher a lot sometimes to the point it hurts in sides because it's so funny. Actually the other day I felt annoyed and bit angry with someone in which we don't seem to get on with each other. Again though the feeling dissapeared some minutes later. Anyway I honestly don't think I am depressed I have a good idea what It used to feel like when I was in that place it's like unless something triggers emotion in me or a response to events outside of myself or certain stimuli I am in a state of constant inner peace and calm in my mind I guess you could say being neutral is a feeling and in a way it is. I could see a doctor it certainly wouldn't hurt but I doubt they'll find anything, I have looked into various abnormal states and mental disorders and I can't find anything I identify with or which could be related to what I am experiencing.
By the way I think it's a bit of a myth or misconception that those who are "enlightened" are constantly happy and full of joy. I could be wrong.
It really does sound to me, through reading your posts, as though you've accessed the observer within..silent witness...whatever you choose to call that part of self that is not swayed by emotion, either positive or negative. This is definitely the hallmark of a certain level of expanded consciousness.
In this state, (which is really just an expanded perspective of self) the circumstances that present within our physical experience will lose their ability to affect us as from this position, we are capable of choosing the level of identification we will engage in. We are able to remain peaceful regardless of what may occur.
However, the very fact that you are on this forum seeking 'help' regarding your perceived state of being seems to signify that you are not 'neutral' or at peace regarding this state of being that you are obviously striving to understand and having a certain amount of difficulty in doing so.
It seems that this state of being itself is causing you a certain amount of angst...? If you really are in witness mode, then what is it about this state of perception you are currently experiencing that is upsetting you?..(and can you see that in actuality, if you so strongly felt the need to 'get help' for your present circumstances, that you came to a forum to start a thread in hopes of getting assistance, then you are likely really not 'feeling' neutral about all things after all?