Well guys I guess I should accept this way of being and embrace it. Perhaps like taylor said I have reached a state of "Enlightenment" or something because essentially I can control my thinking (have thoughts or have none) and this is normal for me and has been for sometime. I have been in this state for well over a year now and I'm convinced my mind somehow changed since then and it hasn't gone back like before and I doubt it ever will. I use to have thoughts constantly all the time now it's the tota opposite complete stillness of my thinking and clear mind. What I don't understand though is the loss of affectively behind my thoughts I have when I talk to myself. Seriously I can talk bad about myself or try and build myself up (self esteem wise) through my self talk or affirmations but it does nothing it doesn't affect my emotions or mental state at all. Not anymore. It would be wrong to say I don't experience any emotions because I do but they're not as strong as before and they're short lived and to be honest I think at times I have to fake emotions especially when with my family at events or when working although despite the fact I get on well with just about everyone I sense others at work know something is "off" with me and on that note I think conversations are actually a bit more difficult with others because my mind is so still and silent naturally I don't have very much in mind to talk about if that makes sense. I can do small talk and have a hard time getting past that a lot of the time. The noise and chatter of mind stopped sometime ago. I don't know if my family have noticed a change probably not because they always knew I was quiet and placid often I have been described before as having "Autistic tendencies".
Anyway I don't see much point questioning this anymore, I guess with this permamant inner peace (still mind) I have somehow attainted (probably through meditation) comes a loss of emotion to a degree but I will try and enjoy life and constant mental peace and calm of my mind.
Last edited by AdoptedOne; 03-26-2011 at 11:32 PM.