Originally Posted by AdoptedOne
Basically (from my understanding) we have 2 thinking processes right? The subconscious which I believe is what is responisble for all the automatic thoughts (which we can't control) and thinking that goes on with the "inner voice" etc. Then we have the Conscious mind where obviously we are consciously in control of our thinking. I believe somehow I stopped or shutdown my subconscious thought process (some kind of "ego death"?) and since then I only have Conscious thoughts. For example I used to do affirmations and believe in that junk but anyway I would tell myself on a daily basis how confident and attractive I was and of course a voice in my head automatically said "yeah right". "you're a loser" etc even If I consciously said these things in my mind that "inner critic" would put me down and I couldn't control those thoughts. However I think I shutdown part of my mind which may explain why my conscious thoughts don't affect my mental or emotion state. I mean am crazy? Hopefully not.
Other things I have noticed is a poor recall of my past, my memories etc of myself and my family. (which are linked to the subconscious)
I rarely ever daydream anymore.
I have no automatic thoughts when talking to anyone before or after.
No real ups or downs anymore, I experience indifference, feel neutral to most of the time. I can react to certain stimuli and situations and experience some emotion (but again not through my thinkning or mind). Like I will laugh watching a good comedy, hearing a good joke etc. After though it's like nothing happended I am in a constant state of contentness and numbness.
Interesting... You went long way since your first post.
If something, for me the meditations seems to enhance my memories... I remembered things long forgotten...
Blank mind during meditations? Sure. But there is something else there... For me it seems like thoughts are transformed somehow... Maybe subconscious become conscious??? It is like blank mind filled with attention and emotions deep and very soothing(after their mollification), very quiet and neutral everything in peace. If there is will to reach solution of something during meditation, for example when there is inner contradiction or problem, it is active process but equally it is passive at the same time.
It is quite hard to describe state of meditation, even more so because english is not my mother language. But when I'm writing in english, I'm thinking in english... and my english is not very good... And even in my mother language I can describe what I live during meditation by allegories... and they may look like they are contradicting...
I'm daydreaming very often. Maybe it is not daydreaming like you were used to have, but I would call it daydreaming. If I have to do monotonous work, I could place my mind out of "reality" and go into "mindscape" to solve problems I often do retrospective, researching memories to relive some moments of my life to see, to observe causalities.