In order to proceed in this disussion, I will try to change the angle a bit to see if that can make understanding more clear, and comment on the other posts too.
Max Power and Groundless are stating some very valid points about going for simplicity and avoiding complexity. They are really right, the truth is often a lot simpler that one expects. What makes a lot of PD material and spiritual concepts complex is not that the truth is complex in itself, it is really because we all process information differently and uniquely. When we try to communicate with each other we tend to interpret according to the concepts we are familiar with, what kind of stuff we have learned through education and according to our life experiences. This is where complexity starts. How to communicate a simple truth in a way that is seems simple and understandable to the one listening? When I wrote my posts I was trying to understand where Tobias is starting from, what kind of filters he uses, and what is his core issues. Since he found my insights to profound, I probably understood something about him. Tobias, beware, my insights may not seem very profound to someone that processes information in a different way from you or is dealing with different type of issues. It may very well come off as gibberish and irrelevant to somebody else, and that is OK.
If one wants to build a house, and is in the middle of nailing up a wooden wall, it would make most sense to use a hammer for the nailing and not a screwdriver. If on the other hand one uses screws, a screwdriver is the best choice. Working with the levels of consciousness must be seen within such a context; it is a tool usefull for certain stages in a process. At other stages it would be utterly nonsense to bring them out and trying to use them. Discussing what is the best tool, scewdriver or hammer without taking the context and task into consideration would not really lead anywhere. So the questions here is really: Is the levels of consciousness as David Hawkins have delineated them a useful tool for Tobias? I think they may be, if he uses them for what they are useful for and do not try to make them the ultimate measurement of universal truth and the truth about himself. In order to do that he needs to understand them thouroughly.
So back to answering Tobias:
In order to comment on your follow-up questions, I will stride away from the levels of consciousness for a moment to define some other concepts that may make it easier for you to understand my answers. I will try to sum up the impression I have got of what you are dealing with, and what I believe is your real underlying questions. This is important because if I am interpreting you wrongly my answers will not be useful to you and will only add to your confusion. So please if you feel I am wrong about this first part, do not try to make sense of the rest of my answers.
The way I get you, your main issue can be summed up as this: "How did I create such a mess of my external life, and what do I need to do to fix it? How can I sort this out so that I can use my unique gifts to benefit myself and the world without eliciting negative responses from the people around me and getting hurt in return?" The way I interpret your main stumbling blocks is that you are overwhelmed by your own emotional reactions, do not feel that you understand them well and they really get in the way of your progress and relationships. You are also overwhelmed by all the personal development literature you have read, there are so many options, so much advice that you are in dire need of some sort of method to narrow down what should be your next step. What you really are looking for is some sort of standard that you can use to sort out your priorities and make a plan that is simple and doable and effective for you where you are at right now. Your curiosity about your calibration on the levels of consciousness is motivated by the fact that it could give you a tool to sort all the other information by and make a decision on what would be the first step to take..
Now if was wrong somewhere in the paragraph above, stop reading right here, and make a post to correct me. If I was close to the point, then keep reading.
Assuming I got you correctly, lets first have a look at what you are doing right in this situation:
1. You are honest and facing up to your situation.
2. You are willing to take responsibility and and are actively asking questions to figure out what your next step should be.
3. You are not settling for answers to your questions that you do not fully understand and that you are not able to apply to your situation.
4. Your questions are geared at getting a foundation for making wise choices.
It is important that you focus on giving yourself credit for what you are doing right. If you don't you will lose confidence in your ability to solve your problems. Every time you start feeling overwhelmed go back to this list and give yourself a pat on the back and give yourself a peptalk on the fact that you are doing some things right. What the deal is really about is adding points to the list above, one by one.
In regards to the advice above, you will meet your first major stumbling block:
Quote:
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Well, I guess I'm always trying to be perfect - here and now -, instead of just giving my best. That's a pattern I'm dealing with since childhood.
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With that pattern, you will have trouble following my above advice. This pattern is a very common stumbling block. I've had it myself, my partner have had it, all my friends and most of my clients (I'm a therapist by the way). When your life is in the state of mess that you have described, this pattern is the very first thing you need to change in order to get anywhere. You have a lot of stuff to sort out, and you will not be able to stay motivated throughout the process unless you are able to give your self praise and credit for each little step forward. It is a saying that goes like this: "A journey of a thousand miles starts with just one step." If you keep off praising yourself until you have walked a thousand miles you will never even get motivated to take the first step. Then you will start accusing yourself of lacking self-discipline and you go looking for ways to improve self-discipline. That is looking in the wrong direction. It is not self-discipline that you need, because self-discipline cannot carry you on a journey of a thousand miles without help from other resources. Now what do I mean by other resources? That leads me to narrow in on one of your questions:
Which I have to continue in a new post because of the character limit