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Originally Posted by taylor  AdoptedOne, I went through and read your earlier posts and your new comments made more sense.
Could you describe how your inner voice death experience came to pass? Specifically what practice you were doing the moment it died.
And could you also explain what you identify with now? Because I think most of us identify with our minds, so if you don't have a chatter box, what are you identified with? I always assumed that if you quit thinking, you'd identify with the witness, but if that were the case you'd feel amazing, not numb. |
Hi again thanks for your reply. Okay I try and explain this as best as I can I don't know If sound mad or what but I would like to clear some things up.
Basically (from my understanding) we have 2 thinking processes right? The subconscious which I believe is what is responisble for all the automatic thoughts (which we can't control) and thinking that goes on with the "inner voice" etc. Then we have the Conscious mind where obviously we are consciously in control of our thinking. I believe somehow I stopped or shutdown my subconscious thought process (some kind of "ego death"?) and since then I only have Conscious thoughts. For example I used to do affirmations and believe in that junk but anyway I would tell myself on a daily basis how confident and attractive I was and of course a voice in my head automatically said "yeah right". "you're a loser" etc even If I consciously said these things in my mind that "inner critic" would put me down and I couldn't control those thoughts. However I think I shutdown part of my mind which may explain why my conscious thoughts don't affect my mental or emotion state. I mean am crazy? Hopefully not.
Other things I have noticed is a poor recall of my past, my memories etc of myself and my family. (which are linked to the subconscious)
Blank mind
I rarely ever daydream anymore.
I have no automatic thoughts when talking to anyone before or after.
No real ups or downs anymore, I experience indifference, feel neutral to most of the time. I can react to certain stimuli and situations and experience some emotion (but again not through my thinkning or mind). Like I will laugh watching a good comedy, hearing a good joke etc. After though it's like nothing happended I am in a constant state of contentness and numbness.
I am void of emotion or feelings unless something (an event or whatever) triggers some reaction in me. I know I probably don't make sense . Check out the 2 links below a member could "Numb" and a seperate article on "Loss of Affective ego" explain (quite close to what I am takling about here)
Here are the links:
Is meditation about making your mind go blank? | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation Is it Depression, or is it the Loss of the Affective Ego?