Hi again guys no I haven't meditated in a longtime, I don't meditate anymore not for at least a year or so. Call me crazy but I swear I only have conscious thoughts now I know something is off because I can't seem to experience emotions (especially strong ones) in any real depth or with feeling anymore. I don't feel I am really suppressing my emotions to be honest I don't seem to experience them much period in the first place so the way I see it there isn't much emotion to suppress. I'm not joking when I say I often work wihtout thinking anything or feeling much in terms of thoughts through out the day it's the strangest thing and this is and has be my reality for sometime. Although I can feel some emotion say if I watch a good comedy or I am having fun with other people but outside of that and basically when I am alone I feel blank inside, in my mind, placid etc. I have had depression before (mild) and this isn't depression becasue for one I don't feel "down" or "sad" I'm actually quite optimistic most of the time this is something different althogther. Again call me crazy but perhaps through doing medtation before I quiet my mind so much that it just became permanant to have a still mind which somehow resutled in experiencing less emotion.
Probably one of the most frustrating things is I can't seem to find many people (if anyone) who has experienced the samething which then makes me believe either It's all my head (paranoid) but I know how things were before and being void of much emotion 99% of the time isn't normal. Or I maybe developing or have some minor mental disorder or something and is undiagnosed.
I think all this started to happen when my "inner voice" (monkey mind) stopped (probably thought meditating) and died and I have been left with only conscious thoughts since. There used to be part of my mind that would think non stop I couldn't control the thoughts then they kind of stopped, resulting in a still mind with reduced mental affectivety. What little thoughts or thinking I do through out the day now does not affect me in terms of emotion. Thoughts create emotions right? Well they don't for me anymore. What do you guys think I am crazy? Could I have some mnor brain damage?
Last edited by AdoptedOne; 03-24-2011 at 10:55 AM.