My first thought was "wow"! I am never able to articulate my thoughts so well when I am down. Nor to understand my feelings. I am also very impressed by your commitment to change
My body goes into a "Gimme a break" mood sometimes. If it's just a couple of days, I go completely go into this mood and live it to the fullest. Allow yourself to have days like this and find a way to find meaning in everything
Love you!