Originally Posted by nothingyouwanttoknow
I don't know if this belongs here exactly, but one night before going to bed I told my guardian angel (I read the most benevolent outcome thread; I said it in my mind, not aloud, and just a "GA, please help me to ____" way, not in the format prescribed in that thread) to help me become a more positive person.
That night I dreamed of a person I still have issues with. I had recounted my story with her in another thread here (heard a voice - help?
), but to summarize: she used to be part of my group of friends in high school until she turned out to be this scary green-eyed monster who started stalking, in her own subtle way, a friend of mine whose artistic talents she was jealous of. The issue was never resolved, though we did have outwardly friendly conversations whenever I happened to pass by her in college (we went to the same one). As I had said in that thread, over the past five or so years I had twice heard her calling out to me without her being anywhere near where I was.
I dreamed she was doing something awful to me, either spying on me or plagiarizing my work (I want to be an author in real life) through some magical means, or both, and that she was using some sort of hypnotic voice (think sirens from Greek mythology) to tell me to commit suicide. It was something I couldn't prove, and I silently seethed. I couldn't even tell my friends about it, even the friend in real life who hated her the most. We were still in high school back then.
Somehow, however, I was able to accuse her out loud. We and some other people from my class were sitting Indian-style on the floor in some narrow corridor. She did the siren-voice (I couldn't remember exactly what she said, just that it was subtly implying I should kill myself), which nobody noticed - everybody was talking about or doing something else, and she was looking at me blankly while she said it. It was a soft, quiet voice, very gentle. I grabbed her by the head, held the head in my hands in front of me, and told everyone about what she was doing to me, including her telling me to kill myself to get rid of the evidence and my conviction not to commit suicide because it would mean she had won. I wanted desperately for people to listen and believe me, and I saw some of them were paying attention. Some were starting to turn their attention to me too. She didn't say a word or even thrash about the whole time I was ranting, just stayed there almost limp as a doll except that for some reason I was holding her forcefully.
Then I woke up.
It's particularly unsettling for me since I have been playing with the idea of committing suicide - in a purely hypothetical "what-if" way, mind you, the same way I daydream or think about premises for my stories. I in no way am seriously thinking of killing myself, nor do I think I would be capable of it (I am an all-head-no-heart kind of person, and anyway I'd be too cowardly to even try).
So is it a message? Just a normal dream with a meaning that doesn't have anything to do with my GA (and what meaning could it have?)? Or am I just being neurotic?
EDIT: I'd graduated from college two years ago, if that's of any importance.
You asked your Guardian Angel to show you how to make you a more positive person. And your Guardian Angel did exactly that.
You asked for help, but instead of some prophesy about spiritual realism, you received a more personalised message straight from the deepest and darkest pits of your very soul. In fact, what I believe you experienced is what I term as a psychological nightmare.
Unfortunately for us, traumatic experiences (as well as traumatic people) impact our lives, until we learn to drag them up, effectively deal with them and move on to become a more learned and enlightened person.
I don't know why I feel this, but it's just what I got when I thought about her. You managed to effectively create a monster from what seemed to be a girl who may have once secretly admired you. But then encountered the strength of your friendship with your best mate, and to what may of started off as innocent admiration, soon turned into all-out hostility.
"The issue was never resolved, though we did have outwardly friendly conversations whenever I happened to pass by her in college"
Yeah... she never disliked you.
"That night I dreamed of a person I still have issues with".
That is exactly right, you have issues.
What you need to do is face up to the fact that you are protecting your friends, to your own psychological detriment.
Q: Has this girl placed a spell on you?
Q: Is this girl sabotaging your life?
Your mind is a very powerful tool. It can effectively realise your worst nightmares and personify some of the most dark aspects of human contempt, because that is exactly what you are thinking about and ultimately manifesting in your life. You are manifesting your fears, because they are still hovering around and you are trying to force them deeper down, instead of letting them come to light and facing your demons.
And then you encountered her in your 'school' hallway. School was where it all started. And your friends were there. The very people you were trying to protect when you confronted her and accused her out loud. Tried to bring her into the limelight, expose the ensuing evil within, take care of the problem. But your friends weren't listening to you? They were ignoring your attempts to show them the 'real' monster within her.
The psychological need to be heard and respected by others is quite powerful. To the point where you were even facing your nightmare, all to try and protect the people you love.
"She didn't say a word or even thrash about the whole time I was ranting, just stayed there almost limp as a doll except that for some reason I was holding her forcefully".
Yes! This is the best sentence in your whole dream. She was acting like a doll. Exactly like a voodoo doll of your subconscious mind, that was moving her around and puppeteering her until she realised your darkest fears. The very words out of her mouth sounded like it was from the Devil himself. But the thing to remember is that she didn't resonate a doll until you directly confronted her, then only realising she was a moving puppet.
You have to come to the realisation that this girl is not the puppet of evil. She is in fact the puppet of fears that you are not able to protect your friends against what you seem to think is scary. The sooner you realise that this isn't your job, the sooner you will be able to move on with your life. Your friends are more than capable of solving their own problems and protecting themselves.
In regards to the voices you have been hearing. I have one of two explanations;
Firstly that your mind is more powerful than you ever thought imagined, and is actually portraying your fears, not only within your dreams, but creating a truthfully psychological nightmare straight into reality itself.
Or, Secondly, (please excuse me if I'm wrong, I just don't know why I keep going back here...) that very
deep down. If the whole scary green-eyed monster thing didn't exist. You may actually like this girl. And you may have actually wanted to hear her calling your name.
btw you are not a suicidal person. Trust me. I have been there. Stop dreaming about suicide and start dreaming about having a less dramatic social life