I don't know if this belongs here exactly, but one night before going to bed I told my guardian angel (I read the most benevolent outcome thread; I said it in my mind, not aloud, and just a "GA, please help me to ____" way, not in the format prescribed in that thread) to help me become a more positive person.
That night I dreamed of a person I still have issues with. I had recounted my story with her in another thread here (heard a voice - help?
), but to summarize: she used to be part of my group of friends in high school until she turned out to be this scary green-eyed monster who started stalking, in her own subtle way, a friend of mine whose artistic talents she was jealous of. The issue was never resolved, though we did have outwardly friendly conversations whenever I happened to pass by her in college (we went to the same one). As I had said in that thread, over the past five or so years I had twice heard her calling out to me without her being anywhere near where I was.
I dreamed she was doing something awful to me, either spying on me or plagiarizing my work (I want to be an author in real life) through some magical means, or both, and that she was using some sort of hypnotic voice (think sirens from Greek mythology) to tell me to commit suicide. It was something I couldn't prove, and I silently seethed. I couldn't even tell my friends about it, even the friend in real life who hated her the most. We were still in high school back then.
Somehow, however, I was able to accuse her out loud. We and some other people from my class were sitting Indian-style on the floor in some narrow corridor. She did the siren-voice (I couldn't remember exactly what she said, just that it was subtly implying I should kill myself), which nobody noticed - everybody was talking about or doing something else, and she was looking at me blankly while she said it. It was a soft, quiet voice, very gentle. I grabbed her by the head, held the head in my hands in front of me, and told everyone about what she was doing to me, including her telling me to kill myself to get rid of the evidence and my conviction not to commit suicide because it would mean she had won. I wanted desperately for people to listen and believe me, and I saw some of them were paying attention. Some were starting to turn their attention to me too. She didn't say a word or even thrash about the whole time I was ranting, just stayed there almost limp as a doll except that for some reason I was holding her forcefully.
Then I woke up.
It's particularly unsettling for me since I have been playing with the idea of committing suicide - in a purely hypothetical "what-if" way, mind you, the same way I daydream or think about premises for my stories. I in no way am seriously thinking of killing myself, nor do I think I would be capable of it (I am an all-head-no-heart kind of person, and anyway I'd be too cowardly to even try).
So is it a message? Just a normal dream with a meaning that doesn't have anything to do with my GA (and what meaning could it have?)? Or am I just being neurotic?
EDIT: I'd graduated from college two years ago, if that's of any importance.