Originally Posted by Darky
Yes it changes you for sure, but that is not what's bothering me.
The true problem is that I no longer have a Self , nor I have my higher Self.
All conections were and are cut. I am like "watcher" of my life. I live beyond my own stories but thats all. I don't feel SINGLE thing inside of me. I can not think or remember. Its not that I would want to do so badly, but due to this I am loosing my relationships with people.
My inner energy is fading away or to say, it already has faded..
I can not love anybody
Nor I can love myself.
I also gone back on weed, but I allready recognized again that this is way way worser thing for me, now in this state than ever. So I quit it again. I am without pot for 6 days now.
But I have side sense that everything is gonna be allright, so I wont doubt it anymore. I also decieded today not to think about anything about me from this day on.
I wish you Love Paula, Thank you for "watching over me" :P
Best wishes, HUG
Hi David, I do know how terribly difficult this is. It's like your whole identity with who you were has disappeared. This new identity that doesn't feel and is disconnected is crying out for acceptance.
Just recently I was reduced to a 'nobody'. Absolutely no connection to anything or anyone. Just completely isolated in my small world. Unable to sustain surface relationships and unable to find meaning.
However, I know at this point I am free from my past. Free from who I used to be. Free from interference of the outside world. Freedom to be who I wish to be.
It has been a long hard slog for me to facilitate my own transformation and I'm yet to experience the fruits of my labour but I have faith, trust and belief in myself that the best is yet to come.
I do think about you and I do care about you. I truly believe you are on your way and indeed, everything will be alright.
with love, Paula