skanda,
I feel like you're getting a lot of answers around your problem, but none to the problem. Some people might not feel you should need to make this change. But that doesn't matter: You don't need anyone to validate your desire to change something in your life. It needs no justification outside your own desire to do so. If you want to change this, then it's perfectly valid and you should do so.
But you do have to really want it. You have to want it more than anything else. There is no substitute: no amount of guilt, pressure or visualization will overcome insufficient desire.
And the measure of desire is your willingness to make a commitment to live the change you want, even when you don't feel inclined to do so. The good news is that you don't need to make a lifelong commitment today.
Take it in small bits. AA teaches members to take it "one day at a time." I take an increasing scale: I start at one day, and each successive commitment is the sum of the last two (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13...) -- yeah, the Fibonacci sequence. That way you always have the confidence of knowing you're not asking yourself to do anything you haven't already done. And you build up your ability to live commitment over time.
It is the strength of our commitment, not our feelings or thoughts, that allows us to change. And I think that's great news, because feelings and thoughts can betray you at any time. But if you have integrity to fall back on, you will always have the strength you need to make whatever change you feel is important.
Good luck,
Andy
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