i always end up smoking now and then with friends and everytime i do, i regret it because it makes me feel disconnected, depressed and lonely. i felt this way in september one night when i got high. i felt that i could see my friends for waht they truely were, and my life for what it was, and i didnt like it. i thought i was just thinking crazy until the next day and following weeks where the feelings werent going away. life seemed so meaningless, i didnt know what i wanted from it anymroe, and i didnt like my life as it was. however, the feeling was not quite as strong nad persistant as when i was high. i feel that getting high raises your awareness at an even quicker pace than personal growth, that's what it felt like to me. it was like a rush of coming into realization about life, and the fact that it was such a large amount of realization and awareness in a short time is probably what depressed me. I think that i should get high again, to get some more answers about my state of awareness, but i'm scared because the last time was a pretty unpleasant experience for me. however, now i kind of know what i want in life and what truely matters to me. perhaps another burst of consciouness will benefit me?
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