For anyone else interested and reading this thread, I just want to share that I checked out Reflections advice to look at the Hieu Doan material. I tried out his meditation techniques yesterday and today, and they are like no other thing I ever did - very healing on the emotional and physical level. I believe I have found my better way. Thanks to all for the contributions!
I've also been reading a bunch of his articles, and that "heals my doubts" as to my possible delusion. In a simple way he describes the energy mechanism and connections I have intuitively received in a way that just makes it all click into place intellectually too.
Check this site out if you are interested:
http://www.thepathofpower.com/
Love to all!