This is something I only recently realized in that its very hidden and below the surface. Now this is hard to explain because it has to do with my own beliefs about my capacities in real life but I'll do my best. Hopefully this forum can provide me with some tips to guide me in the right direction.
Lately I've been busy self sabotaging myself in the following matter;
Every time I find something that can propell myself forward I put myself in a state of action and start moving in that direction but after approximately a week I find myself unable to continue.
A good example is simpleology 101, this is a course excersize online that increases your personal effectivity through a daily excersize that takes like 15 minutes. So I got all excited, read up on it. Got my parents to do the same (I can get others to move lol) and started. After 10 days I stopped doing it, I just forget it literally. Now at the time this had me really puzzled, you might think well just start again but somehow I couldn't get myself to do this. You know the thought patterns of coming up with excuses, I can't start because xxxx etc. thats what happened at that point. I did not have this problem AT ALL during the first 10 days.
This particular pattern repeated itself in several other instances as well. Certain activities that have a clear advantage for me and that I'm motivated to do go great for the first week or so and after that BOOM all motivation/drive/etc. gone. I've been able to partially overcome this pattern through leverage by putting a penalty on not doing it but after the 30 day challenge is over I fall back in my old pattern of finding excuses.
This really had me puzzled for a while, in fact I usually go through two 'states' in one I'm highly recourcefull and full energy and the other I am constantly second guessing myself, finding excuses and messing around. Now the first state is something I've been slowly cultivating but the second one keeps popping up. After a while I realized that it has a certain correlation between the first problem I described earlier (ie. losing motivation after a week or so) and my states. Every time my 'state' changes (globally so to speak) I 'lose' all my old awesome patterns of behavior.
So I started looking within myself to figure out why the hell I am dropping down all the time. I'm fairly sure that this is caused because I developed the following belief:
I have to do everything by myself/figure out by myself.
I'm sure you can understand what a incredible limiting belief this is and how its holding me back. You see what happens when I lose the 'state' is that I get the idea or feeling that somebody else placed me in that situation or provided me with the strenght to do this. Simpleology for instance at one point I started thinking how great it would be to create something similar, than I realized it was already done and I was using it and than I lost all motivation to do it because somebody else is helping me. Now to me this all sounds very logical haha but I'm sure to most people it sounds rather strange. When this happens it feels like a pillar of my reality gets destroyed and I tumble down for a few days before finding myself back and going back in the groove. Hence the states that go up and down...
In my teenager years (20 years old now) I was bullied for a long time and I always felt very strongly that 'if only they left me alone Id be fine' somehow I generalized this to the rest of my life and stopped accepting help. During this time I was very inside my head, I created a prison or savety fault inside my mind. When I'd get bullied or in a tough spot I'd retreat into that savety fault where nothing could emotionally hurt me. Now the problem was that this savety fault was overflowing at some point. I won't go into what then happened but the bullying stopped (don't worry didn't kill anyone
).
This experience has left me stronger in many ways but it also installed that limiting belief into me. This limiting belief is at this point very deeply rooted into my mind. So my question to anybody who got this far is:
How can I change this limiting belief into a empowering belief effectively?
Thank you very much for reading this little sneak peak into my mind. Hopefully you can help me out, this idea of being unworthy of help/to good for help (don't know which one it is yet) is really holding me back.