Originally Posted by spacecadetglow
Wow, ridiculous -- timely post for me, Chris. Many thanks. I am absolutely trapped in the thought loops now, and NOTHING seems to be working.
It's funny, because nothing traumatic has actually happened but it feels like I'm in trauma mode trying to make a decision/solve a problem. This decision has totally consumed me in an obsessive way for the past several days and nothing seems to be helping. I do have my moments of lucidity, where it feels like I can think clearly and rationally, and I realize how outrageous this all is, but then I just sink right back in.
Just when I'm feeling on top of my game, like I can do anything, I'm back to being a quivering mess in my room, sobbing and throwing punches at pillows out as some sort of forced catharsis to appease the gods.
I like your suggestions, though, doing different things to shake up the routine. I will keep that in mind. For now, include me in your thoughts/prayers, whatever you do. Much appreciated.
I can relate in that I feel like what I've done in the past no longer works.
If I simmer down, quiet my mind, and listen to my intuition? I'm in the flow, mother****er.
If I run back to my comfort zone, try to think my way through problems, and use the same methods and faculties I developed in the face of old challenges? I struggle and sob like I'm about to be crushed underneath an incomprehensible weight.
What's striking to me is the contrast between these two states and how pronounced it is when I shift from one to the other. Night and day have more in common yet on the most interesting days I can shift back and forth multiple times within an hour.
It's driven home a simple fact, one I knew but never acted on: I have bridges to burn.