WARNING: This is a whiny post that will likely annoy most people who read it. That said it is a somewhat interesting case study on how to seriously screw up a life, and may be of some use for some people who have a morbid sense of humor.
In all seriousness though, I am asking for your thoughts, opinions, anything you would like to share on the subject. Anything would be appreciated. Without any further delay, below is the situation.
I am currently a college student in his early 20s living in the United States. The state (and county) in which I live is having a serous employment problem and as a result, the prospects of picking up a jo to replace the decent one I currently have are grim, as the job is ending in a few months. Even if I would be able to obtain work, it would take about two minimum wage jobs to replace the one I currently am working at....and its not nearly enough.
I do have a plan. I am going to be quitting college and I will be working in a job that will last a few years, is immensely demanding but guarantees income for at least two or three solid years. Meals, housing while on the job, paid for. College will be easier afterword and so things should be looking up right? Well, there is a hitch: I am not the only one who is facing problems.
I have a mentally challenged (to out it mildly) brother, a mother who should be classified as physically disabled cant convince her doctor to do so and a father who believes that God will save him from his financial problems....no matter that the last time he believed this we ended up living in a relatives basement for a few months before they kicked us out because they couldn’t stand the mental issues of my brother and the attitude of my father. (Treatments are all ineffective and we are unable to get a real diagnosis do to the quality of doctors here in the US when your poor.)
After we were kicked out was able to secure housing for my mother, & brother with a friend, I got into college (at the cost of massive loans debt), got a job (which was a freaking miracle) and then started desperately trying to get my brother back in school, treated and my mother healthier. My father went to another state to get work and sent back money. Os usual he los the job, got anther, lost that, got another then lost that one and has not gotten another one for almost a year now. My income was higher last year and I was able to help supplement the cost. However, once he lost the jo I started covering rent, food, gas and other expenses and as such the few saving I started were quickly drained.
The father then moves back to the state and goes through three jobs in six months finally saying that he is not going to work for anyone but himself. Of course he messes it up, and then starts living of what little savings he has and begins building up debt.
To complicate matters, the land lady we rent from has decided that I am "the son she never had" and has managed to make my life living hell by interfering in everything and frankly creeping my mother and brother out. Unable to take the abuse anymore they have since left for my father apartment and are attempting to get back on their feet. It is not working. I am now footing the bill for everything in this apartment, (and some of theirs as well) and I am unable to do so, and believe me this place is cheap compared to everywhere else around me.
Now, I have my plan, the and it likely will work for me, at the cost of being immensely hard...but I am OK with that....I need to succeed at something...the thing is it will do little for my mother and brother.
I will be blunt at this point; my father can rot in *&%# for all I care as his actions have knowingly precipitated these last few years of hell for me. My mother made bad choices early in life, then her health has managed to destroy her. She will not live more then ten additional years by my estimation. My brother while possessing a keen mind in some areas has never been able to function very long in society. To make matters worse his particular disorder has given him a split obsession with me; one minute he will be cursing me out and the next begging my forgiveness and trying to work it out...then being "normal" for several minutes before another episode. It has been this way since I was a kid and as a result I have grown somewhat used to it, but I am fallible and his cursing me out for seemingly random things leads me to places in my mind I do not wish to go...and leaves me rather ashamed at my weakness.
Either way,.......I am not presented with a choice;
I can take this job, and do it. It will help me, and I will earn.....decent money. However, a few months after I leave my mother and brother and father will be homeless. My father has pushed away all family and friends who can help him or has so used them to the point where they are incapable to help him, and thus my mother and brother anymore. So, I can at least while I am gone I can send nearly al the money back to them and those two can live. Someone must care for my brother as he cannot work, and my mothers health is always bad. We get barely any support from the state and are unable to get anymore...it if I do not basically stay with them for the rest of their and my lives, they will die.
If I do stay I will be perpetuating a situation that has been going on since I was four; that I am my brothers keeper, that my needs and wants always come second to the "family's", meaning my fathers. I will be forgoing any hope of a future that I want and I will essentially being a situation of permanently caring for two people, one of who verbally abuses me all day (my brother) and my mother who is too handicapped and depressed to do much of anything but house help......for the rest of my $%#@@! LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate that I am even in this position and have been advised by my there two brothers (who have left he family and basically severed all ties except with me) to leave and don’t look back. However doing so while helping me actually get a life will ultimately condemn them to death as without my mothers medicine, she will surely die and my brother will die because he rubs somebody the wrong way, or just live on the streets for the rest of his life.
What is most ironic is that my family doesn’t do "drugs" no one is beaten, we haven’t starved yet...but all this stuff is literally one or two weeks away and it has been this way for four straight years. I managed to get into college (I was doing well for awhile there too until the work and family situation caught up with me) but I am unable to handle the work and class schedule anymore. I don’t date and I have never owned a car because I have never had the money for it or insurance. I like to think I have handled it somewhat well, keeping a smile or at least my quirky sense of humor...but I know I am massively depressed and I fear for my life every other week. I try so hard to work things out, to come up with clever ways to pull this stuff off, but I almost feel like everything is in vain now.
I have a way out, I can, if I am really good and are willing to sacrifice a lot of my ideals I can get out and build a life......but at the cost of at least my mothers and brothers lives...death is actually possible if I leave them and don’t send nearly every penny to them.
How can I choose between my elf and them? That is my question...how can I condemn at least one person and my more to certain death so I can live??!!??
I apologize if this seems overly melodramatic. I swear to all of you every word is the truth and that even with all I have written the situation is even more complicated. Believe me when I say I know most of the "obvious" advice that people give out...I have heard it all and I spend nearly all my free time trying desperately to find solutions.
I thank you all in advance and apologize for this intrusion into these otherwise interesting forums.
Sincerely,
Needing Another Opinion