[unicorn]

I have an issue with my ability to sense and literally "suck out" out other peoples negative emotions.I have never met or talked to anybody that seems to understand what I'm talking about, and all those that have tried to help me with this seems to be suggesting measures that to me seems to contradict my inner knowing of the purpose of why I have this ability. Actually most people think I'm completely deluded when I try to explain it, I sometimes worry they are right. My mind sayes I have to take it into serious consideration, but there is this inner knowing that stubbornly insists I am not deluded.

Problem is to seperate my own emotions from other people. I am better at differentiating now than I used to be. As a child I differentiated 100%, but growing up with people that did not want to admit to what they were feeling I grew confused about it. My senses told me one thing, and the feedback I got was total denial. This has resulted in developing another sensor: whenever I'm around somebody that represses emotion or put up a front I get an extremely fear-like sensation in my whole body, like a very loud alarm screeming incongruency, beware" I know this alarm comes from being traumatized by incongruent people and that not all incongruent people are harmful, but my sensors do not seem to respond to any kind of reprogramming technique I'm familiar with (EFT, NLP, hypnosis, BSFF). I'm a sertified therapist, and the sentence "physianc heal thyself" keeps playing in my mind. I haven't been able to so far.

I do not always need to see the person emitting the emotions. For example something that has happened a lot: I can be happily situated in a field grazing my horse, thinking happy thoughts and feeling peaceful. Then in a microsecond be ambushed by overwhelming aggression and just observing my mind starting to produce all kinds of angry hateful thoughts. I look around me and I'm all alone, and my horse is peaceful too. I start searching my subconscious for what on earth triggered this, and is this past traumatic stuff surfacing that I need to process and deal with? Then after a while I take a walk with the horse, and a couple of hundred yards down the road I come across a very angry person talking on a cell-phone giving some poor soul on the other side hell. The times when I do not encounter the source of emotion I spend a lot of time searching myself for what did I think to set it off. When I come up blank in the end, I assume I must have picked it up. My own emotions will mostly produce a memory of a thought or an incident when I ask for the origin.

I have started testing on whether it is mine or somebody elses. I use a question "Is this mine?", and when the emotion is relatively moderate I will feel an ease of the energy for a couple of moment if it wasn't mine. Or I use kinesiology. But in cases when the emotional energy is really strong neither works. My body is completely ambushed, and sometimes I get severe physical symptoms as an aftermath, and heavy detox reactions. The detox reactions can drive my pulse up to 200+, suffocation, visual disturbances, loss of muscle power and balance at times, and excruciating pain in the tissue all over my body.

I used to work full time as an equine acupuncturist and healer, and I have had to give it up. I am 43 now and my ego is pretty fed up with channeling other peoples pains, and I'm often too drained to be able to work. Other people keep telling me that healing others should benefit me, not drain me, and I wonder why it does.

Going inside for answers, and also in guided deep trance, what I say on the tape is that it is part of my role down her to transform negative energy. I have been given a clearer connection and high guidance that enables me to observe myself from a higher perspective at all times and by doing that I can counter being spurred into action by the negativity, transform it within me and send out positive actions, intentions and energy in spite of feeling negative. I have been given the opportunity to clearly feel where people get lost in the negative energy fields and help them clear- and get out of them. That gives me knowledge that enables me to not judge people by the energyfields they are caught up in. It is sort of healing that is heavier on drawing out energy than on sending energy.

Another thing I have been guided to do more often than I like, is to play out "learning dramas" based on the emotions I pick up from incongruent and repressed people. I claim the emotion and problem as mine, play it out, then own it, process it in public as to show a model of how to do it that others can follow. The result is painful for my ego, I come off as someone very high-strung and emotionally troubled. when I meet someone I would like to relate to from my own standpoint I have a huge explanatory problem. I basically seem incongruent, dishonest and not trustworthy when I explain to someone that has seen one of my "learning dramas" that this is not really what I am like privately, but the situation needed to be defused and some points needed to be illustrated. It was just a play as means to an end. That explanations leaves most people thinking that I am even more crazy than they originally thought. So basically my ego takes severe beatings. My inner guidance sayes so what, this is more important. It does not matter how others perceive me as long as I get the job done.

One external confirmation that I'm not deluded on this, is that a whole lot of my clients say that when I come around to treat their horses they often feel that I draw out all their ************ and they feel relieved and get a sense of clarity from my presence. A couple of the more open ones have actually said "You took all my emotional trash with you when you left, where did YOU dump it?" That goes to the core of my issue. I have a great boyfriend, and sometimes I dump it on him, but mostly I appreciate our relationship too much to do that. My guidance tells me I'm the one that got the strength to carry it, not him. My lower self and my body is currently contesting that I do have the strength to keep on doing this. I'm tired.

I used to be confused about the current teachings of the LoA, I have always picked up so much negative vibrations and been in negative emtional states for a large part of my life, yet my manifesting skills for positive events and manifestations are excellent. I always get what I ask for, no matter how I feel about it. And fast too. Until lately when I have given into my ego's demand for some rest and recouperation and stated my intention to work in a less exposed environment. I still want to help, but I feel I need to recharge. My previous excellent ability to focus and self-discipline seems to fail me these days. Hiding sure protects me from some of the energy, and my emotional state then is often joyous and peaceful. But my manifesting skills when I indulge in this actually takes a dive. That is not what the LoA indicates should happen... I have concluded that there is more to LoA than is currently tought, I even think that I know what it is. I'm just mentioning it, as my mind sayes that is a neat type of proof that maybe I'm not so deluded after all.

Seeking help for better ways to handle this issue with people less inclined to judge me as a lunatic, I'm mostly told to set better boundaries, shut out the energies, protect myself and assume less responsiblity. That does not seem to fly with my inner guidance. No matter what techniques I try, I am not able to shut it out. Less responsibility just crashes with my inner knowing on how this universe works. To me that is a perspective to much associated with separation, and I just don't believe that lowering my sense and identification with unity and oneness will bring any progress. I believe a strong seperated identity is the root cause of all these negative energy fields that clouds this planet, infects it's inhabitants and make them do horrible things from not handling the pain of being in those fields. The fields to me looks like swirls of energy manifested as thoughtforms that infect people, and I associate them with the collective karma on this planet. I truly believe the time has come to dissolve them by any means necessary, and I do not want to give up responsibility. I think that would just lower my awareness an make me get taken over by them too.

Still, right now I feel somewhat worn out, and I experience more periods of disconnection and lack of clarity than I have been used to having. That worries me a bit. If I cannot shut out the energies, and I loose my clarity and strong connection to my higher identity, I'm afraid I will do somthing really counterproductive out of foggy thinking. And I'm afraid I'll lose my ability to affect others in a positive way. The way I receive information from other realms is too cryptic for my mind to figure out - I just get feelings and wordless knowings and my mind tends to respond with either annoyance or resistance to a lot of it, as what I get rarely resonates with mainstream thought and what can be read, seen and heard externally. So my mind will always try to look for proof externally and throws up the delusional label frequently. Studying psychology has not particularily helped in that department. High IQ, scientifically oriented ancestry is also not very supprotive of these abilities and inner experiences. I can easily relate to the responses of disbelief and raised eyebrows this sort of post raises in a lot of people. Without those moments of mindless awareness states my self-esteem and self-evaluation would be really shot.

Does anybody on this forum know something about this type of thing, either by their own experience, or through their own guidance and insight. There seems to be a lot of gifted people here. I can't believe I'm the only one down here doing this type of work even though I haven't met anybody else yet.