Interesting topic! I'll give my advice/opinion to LightTheCandle first and then to ArtVandelay second.
Originally Posted by lightthecandle
I guess what Iím asking is how can I stop being soooooo shy? Iím 20 years old now, and Iíd really like to break out of this shell that Iíve created. The thing is I have acne, and acne scars which are very very noticeable. I KNOW that if I was prettier that I would have been really popular and had more confidence.
I know how you feel! I was in the same boat you're in now. I say 'was' because I've made a lot of siginificant progress.
I've been severly shy all my life. When I was 13 I developed typical teenage acne. But it never went away; instead, it turned into adult acne which is a totally different animal. I'm 27 now and trying to break away from the shyness and acne, and trying to develop charisma to talk to people while feeling at ease.
My advice: Try involving yourself with work that forces you to interact with other people.
My first job out of college was working as a programmer. As a programmer I only had to interface with a few people, and it suited me just fine. But I wanted to overcome my shyness, so when a position for a business analyst became available, I took it. Business analysts have to deal with a lot more people. It was a very tough thing for me to do but little by little I became more comfortable working and talking with other people. I'm now in consulting where I have to deal with even more people, and I also volunteer, whenever I can, to give presentations at work. Doing these things - forcing myself to interact with people - has made me a lot less shy. But I'm not fully cured yet - social gatherings are still hard for me to deal with. But I've made a lot of progress. However, having acne makes this very difficult to do. All I can say is just DO it. Forget that you have acne. Try to look and act nice and professional; people will get past your looks.
One interesting thing, that just now popped into my head... I mentioned that I've been shy all my life... When I was in elementary school I remember my mom told me that even though I was just being shy, other people didn't always see it that way. She said that other people might see it as me being rude. Indeed my mom was right; my best friend in high school once said that when we were in elementary school I had an attitude that seemed like I was 'too good' to talk or be friends with anyone. That couldn't have been any farther from the truth! I was just to shy! So even though you don't talk to people because you're shy, other people may not see it that way.
Originally Posted by lightthecandle
Last question: How do I make the acne go away???? I eat a lot of junk food, and I KNOW that contributes to a lot of the acneÖbut I just canít stop!! Someone needs to throw a rock in my eye!!
I recommend that you talk with a dermatologist or endocrinologist. If you're 20 years old then what I call 'typical teenage acne' should be clearing up. But since the acne is still there, and you're a female, then there could be other things going on, and eating chocolate has nothing to do with it.
If you talk with a dermatologist you will probably be prescribed antibiotics. If you talk with an endocrinologist they'll take a look at your horomones, as they have a lot to do with acne in adults.
Now to Art's question...
My advice: let the other person do the talking.
I've learned that people really like to talk. Therefore, in conversations I try to ask open-ended questions. I'm at the age now where a lot of the people I know are raising children. A great question I ask is if you have children. Oh, you do? How many? How old? Are they in school yet? I also live in an area where there are a lot of foreigners and transplants, so I'll ask if you're from the area. You're not? How long have you lived here? Where did you come from?
People would rather talk about their own goings ons than listen to you talk about yours. So I just ask questions and listen. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with charisma but it helps the other person feel at ease and creates great conversation.
Well, that's my two cents - I hope that helps!