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jwz · 06-15-2007, 03:43 AM

I have just (1 year ago) finished a 4 year long education to become an electrician. I am currently attempting to save up some money to take my education to the next step and will be studying for 3 years or so. I plan to start next year or maybe the year after that.

Then main issue there will be money. My education as an electrician was generously payed for by the greenlandic government (it's a thing they do to raise the educational level of the greenlandic youth).

When I go study again, I will most likely be paying most of the costs myself, INCLUDING food and personal stuff. I MIGHT get a part-time job, but I intend to use as much time as possible to study.

The problem: My family and I have agreed on that I can stay with them during my 1-2 years saving-up-period. That way I save a lot of money for food and shelter (but I still give my mom $50-100 per week to help out).
That's a darn fine agreement in my opinion.

BUT my family (mainly mom and dad) are giving me 'problems' often.
Sometimes, it's just my dad who tries to overcome my opinions by saying a wise row of words that litterally means "shut up, I'm right cuz I'm your father".
No matter what my cause is or how good my arguments are.

Sometimes it's my mother. She tends to stress a lot. I have tried to discuss the matter with her several times, but she gets very defensive every time.
I can't reach her and make her see her situation as I see it. Her stress problems are obviously a part of the way she behaves/thinks. IMO a LOT of her stress could be prevented with thoughts like "I don't need to stress about this, because it's just a job and whether I stress or not, I'm getting the same paycheck and either way won't cause me to get fired. Without stress my results would actually become better".

Those 'problems' I can live with. But since I began my journey of PD, many of the things I encounter daily have transformed into problems also.

This night for instance, I felt like going to bed just before 11PM, but I couldn't sleep until way past 12PM because of my parents speaking really loud in the room next door. I asked them politely to keep it down or to move their discussion into another room, but they gently refused saying that they don't have to be quiet in their own house.

And PRIVACY. Privacy.
That is something I do NOT get any of. I always wanted to be able to do things whenever I want to do them, meditate, relaxing without much interruption etc etc.
While living with them, there's litterally no privacy for me.

There's plenty other problems too that I don't feel is important to whine about now (mainly the fact that it doesn't seem that my parents really know how they act upon their children) so I hope that you see the big picture.

My family and I usually have a great relationship, but at least once every day I encounter something that bugs me or make me feel bad.

Do you think that I should search for an apartment to live in until I start studying again? If I did, it could easily cost me $600 per month (and I have to pay $1200 initially in case that I break something. But I will get that back when I move out)

I would also really miss the GOOD times me and my family have. Especially with my brother. My brother and I have a great bond, even thought we don't always agree. If I move out, we will be seing much less of each other.

Please help. I'm sorry that the post got that long.
I figured that if I saw the big picture (and advice maybe) from another persons point of view, it might give me the insight I don't currently have.

Thanks
Jan

06-15-2007, 03:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
jwz Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ilulissat, North Greenland Posts: 151	Family issue I have just (1 year ago) finished a 4 year long education to become an electrician. I am currently attempting to save up some money to take my education to the next step and will be studying for 3 years or so. I plan to start next year or maybe the year after that. Then main issue there will be money. My education as an electrician was generously payed for by the greenlandic government (it's a thing they do to raise the educational level of the greenlandic youth). When I go study again, I will most likely be paying most of the costs myself, INCLUDING food and personal stuff. I MIGHT get a part-time job, but I intend to use as much time as possible to study. The problem: My family and I have agreed on that I can stay with them during my 1-2 years saving-up-period. That way I save a lot of money for food and shelter (but I still give my mom $50-100 per week to help out). That's a darn fine agreement in my opinion. BUT my family (mainly mom and dad) are giving me 'problems' often. Sometimes, it's just my dad who tries to overcome my opinions by saying a wise row of words that litterally means "shut up, I'm right cuz I'm your father". No matter what my cause is or how good my arguments are. Sometimes it's my mother. She tends to stress a lot. I have tried to discuss the matter with her several times, but she gets very defensive every time. I can't reach her and make her see her situation as I see it. Her stress problems are obviously a part of the way she behaves/thinks. IMO a LOT of her stress could be prevented with thoughts like "I don't need to stress about this, because it's just a job and whether I stress or not, I'm getting the same paycheck and either way won't cause me to get fired. Without stress my results would actually become better". Those 'problems' I can live with. But since I began my journey of PD, many of the things I encounter daily have transformed into problems also. This night for instance, I felt like going to bed just before 11PM, but I couldn't sleep until way past 12PM because of my parents speaking really loud in the room next door. I asked them politely to keep it down or to move their discussion into another room, but they gently refused saying that they don't have to be quiet in their own house. And PRIVACY. Privacy. That is something I do NOT get any of. I always wanted to be able to do things whenever I want to do them, meditate, relaxing without much interruption etc etc. While living with them, there's litterally no privacy for me. There's plenty other problems too that I don't feel is important to whine about now (mainly the fact that it doesn't seem that my parents really know how they act upon their children) so I hope that you see the big picture. My family and I usually have a great relationship, but at least once every day I encounter something that bugs me or make me feel bad. Do you think that I should search for an apartment to live in until I start studying again? If I did, it could easily cost me $600 per month (and I have to pay $1200 initially in case that I break something. But I will get that back when I move out) I would also really miss the GOOD times me and my family have. Especially with my brother. My brother and I have a great bond, even thought we don't always agree. If I move out, we will be seing much less of each other. Please help. I'm sorry that the post got that long. I figured that if I saw the big picture (and advice maybe) from another persons point of view, it might give me the insight I don't currently have. Thanks Jan