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Originally Posted by Joe826  Wow, awesome thread. This might be my favorite thread of all time. I have to say, Erock, I've been having thoughts very similar to yours recently.
I found that when I'm happy and content, I have no problem riding the "ego wave". If I talk to someone and walk away feeling good, or think I look particularly good one day, then I'm fine without considering detachment, enlightenment, awakening, etc. I'm happy with my solid self-image.
It's when I'm spinning in circles of anxiety, negative self concept, or just general discontent that I go back to "enlightenment" and detachment. It sort of reminds me of when I was a practicing Christian and would only pray when things went wrong :P.
I even conciously tried to let go of need, desire, etc. when I was happy due to my positive self-image, hoping that I could dedicate myself to that pursuit all the time, instead of when I was just feeling bad. I ended up just feeling less happy than I had before.
Even if I was being delusional, I was happier with the delusion than I was (trying to) let go of all thought. I don't really know where that leaves me, to be honest. Will true enlightenment give me joy greater than anything the temporary pleasures of the ego can provide, or is enlightenment just a "smoother ride"?
Thanks for the post. |
Exactly. You described exactly what was, and still is happening to me. Even this weekend, I was extremely detached Friday and Saturday most of the day, but then Saturday night I got a lot of ego-boosts you might say when I was hanging out with my friends, and the internal chatter, self-image, exc.. began again.
Do I honestly believe people can attain enlightenment? Yes I do. I have read enough spiritual books that either I'm on the right track or I've been brainwashed by all these spiritual gurus. The fact that they all seem to describe exactly the same experience is what has me convinced. I have the feeling that there are a lot more enlightened people then we know of. Why would they have any need to write books, or become teachers? The ones that do are either very compassionate or people write about them and take advantage of their state to make money.
Even if I'm completely wrong, and enlightenment cannot be attained or is nearly impossible to do, it's hard for me not to see through the weak desires of 99% of society-at least the people my age. All they care about is sex, drugs, and their reputation. They want to feel good to make up for the fact that their normal state is so poor. To me, it's so obvious that there are no highs without the lows, and it's this elusive sense of "pleasure" that everyone seems to be striving for that leads me to believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with our belief systems.
Is there higher desire, or is every desire, no matter how "noble" it seems, just a way to pump up our self image? Should we be trying to fulfill it, or curb it? I just don't know, but I intend to find out.
Erock