Wow, awesome thread. This might be my favorite thread of all time. I have to say, Erock, I've been having thoughts very similar to yours recently.
I found that when I'm happy and content, I have no problem riding the "ego wave". If I talk to someone and walk away feeling good, or think I look particularly good one day, then I'm fine without considering detachment, enlightenment, awakening, etc. I'm happy with my solid self-image.
It's when I'm spinning in circles of anxiety, negative self concept, or just general discontent that I go back to "enlightenment" and detachment. It sort of reminds me of when I was a practicing Christian and would only pray when things went wrong :P.
I even conciously tried to let go of need, desire, etc. when I was happy due to my positive self-image, hoping that I could dedicate myself to that pursuit all the time, instead of when I was just feeling bad. I ended up just feeling less happy than I had before.
Even if I was being delusional, I was happier with the delusion than I was (trying to) let go of all thought. I don't really know where that leaves me, to be honest. Will true enlightenment give me joy greater than anything the temporary pleasures of the ego can provide, or is enlightenment just a "smoother ride"?
Thanks for the post.
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