[JohnPlace]

OceanMan16, I feel for you. When I was younger, I found myself in a relationship with a wonderful woman -- but I kept focusing on everything she wasn't instead of everything she was.

STUPID.

Listen, it would have been fine if she had truly been a bad match for me, but she was a fantastic match.

What I did to my girl (and what you did to yours) put her through hell. Can you imagine what it feels like for your partner to constantly send the message: "Well, I'm not really sure if you're good enough for me, but let's hang around for a while to find out."
It's a rediculous way to treat someone. And it hurts.

If someone isn't right for us, we should be decisive and move on. This prolonged swing that you and I took through the land of uncertainty wasn't fair to our girlfriends. My girlfriend was afraid to take me back because I might hurt her again. Yours might be feeling the same way.

Anyway, long story short: She left me. But I sincerely asked her to return and told her I had changed my ways. And let me tell you, brother, anyone who says a person can't change has never met me.

She came back to me. I changed.

This happened 6 years ago (and we have now been married for 3), and I can honestly say this woman is my soul mate, and in all these years, I have never once focused on the things she isn't.

If your girl is your soul mate, go after her. But, here are 4 parting points:

1) It's important to understand why you felt the way you did. In my case, my feelings resulted from fear of commitment.
2) You have to know, deep in your heart, that the problem was YOU, not HER. Otherwise, you won't have the power to fix it.
3) You have to know you can change.
4) If she's moved on to someone else, you have to ask yourself if you're happy being second best. I wouldn't be.

The question now is whether she's willing to give you another chance.

I truly, truly wish you the best.