[Anonymous]

Well, I saw the escort again and, afterward, I felt the most empty I have so far. She didn't meet me one night she said she would, and I realized how addicting it is, as if I didn't know before. I think that sex (for money or free) without a real connection is spirit killing, but so many do it and I bet that some on this board would even disagree with that conclusion. I wanted to see what it was like & sort of intentionally go against the religious teachings I was raised with.

The suicide thoughts have waned, despite having received a tax identification number(posing as a jeweler) permitting me to obtain it. I began reading The Power of Now today, which I really enjoy(despite it being sort of off topic for this forum- I think it conflicts with Pavlina and deserves its own discussion). Western philosophers debate whether the mind is the brain, and this seeming snippet of Buddhism adds a third entity, the you that observes the mind. I can go for that, but rather than emotional mastery, this seems like elimination. I'm also confused as to how goals(life versus life situation)are set according to this system. I don't think they are, but that's why I call it a snippet, fragment of Buddhism, and even full practicioners of Buddhism often act as if the logical conclusions are for someone else or some future life, not to be achieved in this one.

To those who suggest medication, I suggest reading The Instinct to Heal. There is considerable evidence(in objective reality, & perhaps this forum should be divided intho those who believe in it & those who don't) that all of the mantras and attempts at using the mind that are suggested on this site do not reach the more primitive brain where emotion, trauma is stored.

I have tried medication, talk therapy, and the techniques in my suggested read such as acupuncture, exercise, omega fatty acids, but not yet EMDR or other things like EFT or ECT.

Thanks all for your kind words.