Thank you both for your replies. I appreciate them. It's just difficult for me to understand how I could be responsible - even a little bit - to how people in general treat me. I don't feel responsible for my allowing my friends to put me down and call me names. I didn't provoke them. I didn't do anything to them. I didn't ask to be treated badly. It would be insane if I did. And what about complete strangers and other people who barely know me who say nasty things to me behind my back (or to my face)? Surely I can't be held responsible for that.
When I think about trying to focus on one thing at a time, I just get so overwhelmed. I don't know what to fix first because it all seems to jumbled together. And I just know that the minute I start helping myself, the minute I get "better" and become happy - someone enters my life with the sole intention of destroying everything that I worked for. It's happened before and it will probably happen again.
I appreciate the suggestion of smiling, but I really do despise all of my colleagues. I don't want to smile at them. I would much rather glare at them and make faces like they do to me.
If only they had all just left me alone, I would be without any of these issues.
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