Hello,
I’m currently dealing with a dilemma. It perplexes me beyond belief and seems to hijack my focus every two minutes of the day. It deals with a relationship with my now ex-girlfriend of 3 and a half years. I’m 35 and she’s a mature 29. Here’s the ‘Readers’ Digest’ version: We had a wonderful first 2 and a half years. Lots of travel, lots of fun, both of us growing, discovering. Then, during the last year, I began to question if she was the right one for me. For some reason or another, it nagged me. I loved her, we had a great time, but I seemed to be focusing on the things she wasn’t. I only later realized just how these negative thoughts can only sabotage a relationship and doom it to fail. Sure enough, after sitting on the fence for the better part of a year, I reluctantly decided to move out, because I didn’t know what else to do. She had been waiting for me for a year to make my decision about us. When I moved out, we were still great friends, still spent time together.
During the first few months after I moved out, a feeling of regret slowly grew inside me. I realized that I had made a mistake. It was only after I had shifted my thought process from that of “she is not…” to “she has so much…” that I realized how much of a mistake I made. It was a classic case of ‘ya dunno whatcha got til it’s gone’. At any rate, I told her how I felt. I wore my heart on my sleeve and explained that I was sorry for not realizing earlier, and how I seemed to focus on what she wasn’t, not what she was. She was surprised about my sudden turn of feelings. She said she didn’t know how she felt about me. She asked ‘why now?’. I didn’t know why now, other than I didn’t know what it would be like to not have her in my life, until I really didn’t have her in my life. I explained that I truly believed we could have an amazing life together. I believed this because I realized the error in my thoughts about us in the past.
It’s now been two months since I told her how I’ve felt. She has re-iterated that she doesn’t know where she stands. She has indicated that she feels, I too, am very special and that she still has feelings for me. She is, alas, seeing someone else, so she’s informed me this week. She says it’s just casual, she’s taking it one day at a time, he lives a 1 hour flight away and sees him irregularly.
Herein lies my dilemma: I’m a firm believer of ‘intention manifestation’. I’m struggling with holding on to the notion of “us” being together eventually. Do I continue to hold this thought in my head & heart, picturing us together, believing us to be together? Or do I let go of her and try to move on, and hope that maybe one day in the future the time will be right for us, and both of us will be ready for each other at the same time again?
It’s painful to flip back & forth between these two ideas. I’m weary from it all. Any thoughts you might have would be helpful.
Sorry this is such a long post.
All the best~