You say that you forgone chances in the past to live a more excitng life due to the lack of confidence, so you must have some idea of how you would like to live your life. If you had the confidence and the know-how, how would you be currently living your life? What is exciting to you?
I like what Gemmacat said -
Right now you are focusing on what is lacking in your life, but not on what you DO have in your life.
I think it really comes down to attitude. We actively create meaning and impose it onto our environment. We can't help you unless you want to actively help your self, and to be frank, you seem to have fallen into a 'hopeless' mindset. If you want to think that you are hopeless and meaningless, then you are and there is nothing we can do for you.
Best of luck to you...