Hi again and thanks for everyone sharing their thoughts on the topic. Well I don't really know what more I can say on this, the blank, numb feeling persists everyday. I know something is wrong when I have no internal reaction to most situations like I once did. For example when my Grandad died recently I felt nothing not even at the funeral, if an attractive woman takes a liking to me and smiles at me again I feel nothing inside. It just seems like I am going through the motions everyday in pretty much all situations of course I can fake being interested in others and the way I react but there is no feeling behind this. If you can believe this I often go for hours at a time even when working with no thoughts at all, a blank mind I don't seem to be able to feel a lot of the emotions I once could or did like jealously, envy, joy, excitement, empathy sadness etc. Unless I force myself to think I have a blank mind, absent of thought. Perhaps I shutdown my "inner chatter" whatever term you want to call it and this has taken an effect on my emotions somehow.
I think I have a lot of less self consciousness as well now that another poster brought it up, people can't really affect my state like before I can be totally calm in most situations so therefore In a way I am more confident because there isn't much internal doubt. It does seem like I am mostly watching the thoughts I have which is less than before I know this sounds strange but I can keeping consciouslly telling myself how great I am or even the opposite how much of a loser I am etc and it doesn't affect me or state emotionally and even If I did feel something it is always short lived. My default state, emotional state seems to be apathy, neutral, indifference.
Now I am really religous at all but this article does explain well about this blank, numb state of mind "Loss of the affective ego" Is it Depression, or is it the Loss of the Affective Ego?
Again I want to stress this state of mind what I have been experiencing what I continue to experience is not depression because I have I been in that dark place before. There is feeling numb because you want to try and block out your "pain" from depression and there is being numb because there is nothing to feel if that makes sense.