| | i am not an authority
I stumbled across this thread and site by chance or fortune in an attempt to see if anyone else has experienced 'emotional blankness.' I have never practiced meditation, but had arrived at this blank state through years of self analysis... and maybe that is what meditation is, I'm not sure. Either way, I spent quite a while in your shoes. I even declared to myself id rather die than feel nothing. It was probably the lowest point in my life. What I arrived at (for me) is that I had embarked on a journey of self discovery that most people never do.. and was still holding myself to 'normal people standards' .. as in comparing this new (lack of feeling) to people around me who seemed to be happier.. andthat was largely due to the uncharted territory I had entered with nothing to compare it to. I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture, arriving at thebroader question 'why' instead of 'why is this lack of feeling bad'. Somewhere in doing so, I found an understanding of myself again on a deeper level. None of this may make any sense to you, so my cliffnote version is.. where you're at isn't the only place that you're going to be.. its only where you are right now! Take a step back and figure out why you're there and why you think its bad to be there. I can't convey the transformation in any coherent way, but literally everything you said (apathy, suicide, social skills diminishing) I can relate to and it makes me smile to know when you come to the next place this ones gonna feel like the final frustrating days in a coccoon(sp?). I hope this helps.sorry I've typed it all on a phone and not a computer. R.