Originally Posted by ArtVandelay
I opened a thread asking how to seem "more attractive." That's a huge, vague question, and I got a lot of varied responses, which is exactly what I was looking for. I'm interested in being more attractive to girls (who isn't?), but I'm also interested in having a "magnetic personality." I think I do a decent job of this already, but there some to be a lot of awfully knowledgeable people here, so I thought I'd ask for some advice.
Since that thread was a directed more towards my physical appearance, I thought I'd open a new open about charisma and body language. Both are interesting to me, and I'd like to know what I can do to be more charismatic.
So, here are the questions I have:
1. How can I have more "magnetic" body language?
2. What exactly is an "open posture"? Where am I supposed to put my hands/arms when standing and sitting?
3. What makes someone charismatic? How can I be more charismatic?
4. How often should I smile? Should this be a show-the-teeth smile, or a curl the sides of my lips up smile?
5. How can I have a more positive/uplifting personality?
I love this question. I agree with Jenny too (in fact, she has had the best response so far), smile more than you're used to doing so that it becomes easy and natural to do so. Also as Jenny said, learn to listen to what other people say, its a very attractive skill that really separates you from the rest of the pack.
1. You can be "magnetic" by being relaxed, yet not slouching or being lazy. Look deep into the eyes of whoever you are talking to, without letting them wander over the person's face, keep steady and relaxed in your attention. Smile a grand smile, have fun, and people will love you for it. But don't become a oversmiley moron either.
2. Breathe deep, relax your belly and chest and jaw without slouching. Imagine a string pulling the top of your head skyward, straightening your body. Pull your shoulders back and relax to open up your chest. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart (any less and you appear timid, any more and you look like a posturing dork). There are tons of differents ways to describe this, take your pick.
Ah, and the awkward hands that feel like pool noodles when you think about walking up to a girl(at least that was me
). The tendency is to close up, to put your hands in your pockets, or to cross them in front of you, or to nervously fiddle with something your holding while talking. Often, it is the most vulnerable feeling positions that look the most confident, so keep those hands at your sides and out of your pockets. Use them to make gestures, shake hands, give hugs, play thumb wars, or gently brush aside a strand of hair before your lean in and...ahem.
If this doesn't make sense, then "fake it until you make it." Ask yourself what you would do if you did know how to be charismatic, then do it until it becomes second nature. That is how I learned. ALSO, I can't believe I'm mentioning this last, WORK OUT, go to the gym and lift some weights, go out and run for a few miles, get yourself into your body. Now THAT is how I learned. I went from nerdy, gawky, and timid, to intelligent jock, and I would never go back. Working out makes strong body language NATURAL. Do it.
Know what? I'm just going to blow off the rest of what I was going to write, and I'm just going to say, "Go work out, now." Do it so you feel powerful afterwards, then your body language will reflect that. In every question that you asked, working out can be the answer.
Smile in whatever way feels most natural.
In my opinion, this forum is not the place for this kind of question. There are other forums and resources to use.
There's the pickup community, but its hard to find good sites anymore. Fast Seduction 101: Art of Pick-up and Seduction
ignore the banners, and go to the forum, search for "body language." If you have a question about attracting women, ask it there, its still the most active and useful "community" forum on the net. Thankfully, there is a ranking system too, so you can weed out less useful responses from guys who don't know what they're talking about. Pickup Podcast - Got Game?
free podcast, updated every week, basically clearing the air in the pickup community. These guys actually love women, and they're hilarious to boot. And they link to a ton of great sites.
Here's a site that is beyond good. But I miss the old URL, "Howtobecooler.com"
, How to have more social success | Free advice for guys on social skills, getting along with people, and getting your act together
Its so hard to sound like I'm not advertising...