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Originally Posted by VetTechJess  just so you know, I would never want to be "in control" of someone else....for the first 19 years of my life, my every move i made was dictated to me.....I am 23 now just so you know...so it takes time to heal...but im working on it.. |
Jessica, please bear with me, cuz I suspect this will be very hard to hear. I think it's very difficult to see this in yourself, but your original post is all about controlling others, start to finish. As an amateur psychologist
, it makes sense to me from your story that what happened would make you feel really out-of-control and fearful, especially when you were just on the threshold of adult relationships yourself (just graduating from high school -- what an incredibly vulnerable time that is!)
The pain and fear you feel is so huge, it's like a third party in every relationship. Your anger for the woman your dad left his wife for is so enormous that it spills over onto every other single woman. That's got to have an effect on your relationships with women, as well. Is it possible that you have unresolved feelings about your dad and mom that you have pushed onto the horse-faced woman, and by extension, all women?
I know the idea of talking to a therapist sounds awful to you right now, but I think you're in a crisis, and your pain is looking for a way to express and resolve itself.
Lots of love to you, and best wishes.