[Michelle]

I want to thank you both for your replies. A lot has changed since I originally posted this in January, however.

My choice was to cut my family out of my life completely. This decision was born of my wish to do the best for myself at this point after having tried to be the best for them since childhood and always failing miserably. Recovering from abuse has been a grueling process for me, and it took a lot of energy to finally send the clear signal that I wish to move on with my life. Abusers are not loving and understanding unless they want something. Otherwise they are violent, angry, controlling and irrational. The whole thing has made my life more joyful and healthy. In the end I had to learn that forgiveness means moving on, and not that suddenly things are lovey dovey and swell between all parties.

Perhaps if I would live closer things could be addressed, but living on another continent makes things more difficult. And, in the end, I am not sure that I would want to. When a person sacrifices all their energy and time trying to please and earn the unattainable love of their parents for the first quarter of their life, there has been enough trying and enough opportunity for change. My life and energy belong to me now, and I intend to use them well.