There are different types of endorphins. When meditating you are releasing endorphins. Maybe you need to release a different type of endorphin. Do you exercise? If you don't, start. If you do, maybe you need a different type of exercise. Run, play soccer, play racquet ball, lift weights, anything.
As far as the thoughts of suicide, two things. Seek professional help and remember that this too shall pass.
Take care!!!
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