Originally Posted by 180
Charisma is hard to define because it essentially is people feeling attracted to you. Some say it's in the looks, the way their eyes glean, a smile, the way they make you feel, etc.
I've done a lot of research in this field, charisma is mostly a "dark side trait" meaning it's more associated with manipulativeness and lying.
The point of getting people to like you is some sort of trade. If people like you, you can get something out of them. Usually the most selfish of people become the most charismatic.
We ALL want to be charismatic but most of us don't put the time and effort into it because we survive in other ways (like getting a job). Unlike a manipulator who would rather do nothing all day and steal money... they have to become crafty charismatic people so they learn the ways fast and easy.
I'm not saying you can't be a "good" person and charasimatic, but it's innately hard. "Good" people don't like to lie, manipulate or con people to do things for them. Charismatic people learn these skills to manipulate.
IF you wanted to be a "good" person and be charismatic it would be like learning how to play awesome texas hold em and not wanting to go tournaments for money. People learn to be good at texas hold em FOR the money. And they get better because of that drive to get something. Same goes for charisma.
To be charismatic though, you have to learn what works. For example, I have a terrible smile. I can't smile fo shizzle. So generally I rely on calm tone and voice demeanor. I know a guy who's got a great smile and he whips out any time he can.
A psychopath is good at manipulating people the same way too because they lack emotion. So the way they learn to be charismatic is directly observing the reactions they get from other people and just copying it again. So if they tell a big lie that's a compliment they learn lying in that fashion will get them what they want and they repeat it. Whereas, "normal" people have a harder time not only because we don't want to lie and feel inconsitencies in our brain, but also because we can't always observe our direct reactions to the people we speak to. If I were to say "you look great today" I may not notice that person responded negatively or positively. A psychopath who is more charismatic will take note of it with seriousness and repeat it.
That's seriously screwed up definition of charisma... jesus.. it's not dark side..it is a tool...
A charisma is what James81 said mostly. Hard to achieve and learn but very powerful... also kinda synonymous with leading. Seth Godin said it actually comes from leading I believe (in book Tribes I think..).