[Horizons]

Ok this turned into a bit of an essay lol

I think many people approach meditation as being completely harmless harmless. Meditation is now become so main stream and is being preached as the best thing since sliced bread by many people, including scientists who have studied its effect on the brain, brain waves ect ect. This main stream 'happy go lucky, everyone should be doing it, no harm can come' attitude, while being great in drawing people to meditation - it is also both a limited perspective, and potentially dangerous to the practitioner.

It's funny when I read articles that simply state that meditation has great stress boosting effects blah blah blah and stop at that. And many people's knowledge on meditation and its effects do not go that much further than this perspective.

Meditation has a profound effect on a person's being and can literally change what it means to be a human being. Actually being the being! Your past conditioning does not make this a smooth ride. Your ego will fight, kick and scream. Many problems can arise, which can usually be worked through but you need an UNDERSTANDING of the process. It is not to be taken light heartedly, or you can be left with confusion and undesirable effects. You also need to be doing the correct style of meditation to suit YOU (see the book I recommend).

I really can not advise you one way or another on what to do because I do not know your full circumstance. I ask you to make your own judgement based on the points I make and maybe someone else can elaborate more clearly on the correct course of action.

However - I believe one possibility with this is that this is part of the process. The path of meditation can take you to some very dark places. It is the ultimate tool for facing reality and many obstacles exist along the way as your IDENTITY takes on a different centre of gravity, as you become MORE of who you really are. This happens in stages and every time it happens, its like a death an rebirth into something which encapsulates more of the radiance of your being. But it actually feels like DEATH to the ego so it kicks and screams and you feel like ****. The funny thing is, nothing could be further from the truth. You are becoming more ALIVE not DEAD. The ego does not understand this. It is a survival mechanism.

I have certainly had similar effects from meditation to what you have described. It is not unusual. Meditation slowly moves you away from identification with your ego into the witness. This can make you feel 'disassociated.’. It can make you feel ‘flat.’ However, the peace, love and joy is slowly revealed beyond the ‘flatness.’ The flatness is really a result of not being so caught up in the drama any more, which eventually leads to inner peace. I believe it happens in stages though so the transition can feel bad and unnatural as shifts happen.

I’m not saying this is necessarily what YOU are experiencing, however, it MAY be.

Alternatively (and to be honest, I think this could be more likely), this could simply be an undesirable 'side effect' meditation is having and is not the result of an opening. What kind of meditation do you do? If this is the case, cut down or choose a different type of meditation to see if that works better. This is where I want to recommend you a great book, which I think every meditator should read. 'The Dangers of Meditation and Yoga' - by Del Pe. Read it cover to cover. Its a balanced, intelligent way of looking at meditation which essentially shows you how to progress SAFELY and CONSCIOUSLY. For example, I want you to look at the chapter on 'Spacey Meditator Syndrome' and 'Mindlessness Syndrome.' You seem to be having similar symptoms to what is described as well as potentially other things in that chapter. The good thing is, he offers SOLUTIONS, such as grounding techniques like squats, stamping feet ect. Please buy this book, it will give you many answers and I believe it will help you with your problems, it did for me.

I am by no means an 'expert' on meditation, just a dedicated practitioner and enthusiast and these are my views. I hope others can expand on them.

Also like someone else’s idea of sacking off the whole thing and just doing ‘normal’ ‘grounding’ stuff for a while to get back into like and re balanced. Then you can come back stronger and with more experience.

I wish you well. Believe me, I know how hard to can be when your in the hole over stuff like this. Let me know how you get on, and feel free to get in touch any time.

Daniel