[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thanks, uberinquisitive.

I am sorry to hear you are having dreams like this as well. I know when people tell me they are just dreams I want to hit them a little, because they do affect me. My dreams have mostly involved him flaunting someone else in my face or being exceptionally mean, saying hurtful things. It's all about rejection basically. I cannot imagine dealing with what you are going through. Thanks for being here for me.

I cried a lot last night. Before I went to bed I said, "I don't want to dream about him." I said it out loud...I am not sure who I was talking to - God, the universe, my subconscious - but I didn't have a dream about him last night...at least not that I remember, which is good enough for me. Instead I had a dream about my grandmother who died a couple of months ago. Dealing with this relationship stuff has kind of allowed me to postpone dealing with her death, something that I am kind of scared to do since she was such a big part of my life. In the dream we were decoupaging (I have no idea how to spell that) a dresser (never even heard her say that word...it's not something she would do). Also in the dream my dog and cat were trying to attack each other. Although I woke up missing her, it was a chance to see her again.

I picked out a sofa yesterday and I decided to paint the living room my grandmother's favorite color (I am living in her house). After I got all of the ex's stuff moved to the garage, the only thing in the living room is my tv. It's a clean slate. A chance to create something that's just mine. I know it will be beautiful. I will post on progress. I have about a week and a half till the sofa gets delivered. I plan to get the room painted and spotlessly clean by then.

I am still reading The Power of Now. I also have A New Earth when I am done.