Anonymous, it certainly sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Right now when you're down in the dumps life may seem hopeless, but don't give up on yourself.
Life is full of challenges for everyone as you've seen in these forums. It's up to each of us to work on ourselves and make the best of what we have to work with. Start reading some inspirational books or stories about others who have gone through similar situations. Start working on changing your
perspective. It can make all the difference. It's not what happens to us, it's how we choose to perceive it that matters.
All the best to you!