[Anonymous]

I'm ignoring the advice of the forum and posting directly here instead of in "Hello". I subscribe to the theory that one should listen and read before spouting off, but I realize those in need in this section would rather just hear a voice as I would now.

I find the forums invaluable because they combine struggles and the approaches advocated by Steve and his practice of LoA.

My girlfriend, then fiance, of 6 years left me March 31, in part because of this site.

She believes she attracted something better(and perhaps she did) and bonded with that someone over this site. I'm not entirely broken up over this, perhaps because I knew it was the right thing, perhaps because I've quickly moved on, but I am very despondent over my personal situation.
One way I "got over" this quickly was by sleeping with an escort. I don't really have guilt over this(despite my religious upbringing and even the judgment of the secular community), but I'm afraid that I could be doing myself harm financially and mentally. Some go for alcohol or drugs, I found that this gives me a high, albeit very expensive. It probably would have been a 1 time thing had she not been a well educated beautiful 22 year old from a good family who told me that I could have had her, or anyone in her opinion, for free, and later that she should be paying me(I know, she's a pro, and these could be sales pitches, and I called her on it and she insists that she would never say anything she didn't mean. I do get compliments-if I only could take them-like this a lot, and I'm extremely attracted to her, so I did sort of ravage her, so let me have this one. Problem is I feel empty even after our encounters, I can't get a hold of her when I want(she really doesn't work much), and I realize that I want more.

Since my last relationship began my whole life has changed: relatives deceased, friends married or estranged, parents "in the twilight of life"- no one to turn to essentially. Feeling like I have no social skills to remake a life, at one point I made plans to acquire cyanide and go out in a "blaze of glory". I'm not sure how I feel now or what I want. I'm sort of living for the day and trying to do personal exploration.

Sometimes I wonder, as have others, if all this vocalizing of problems goes against the law of attraction, but I am going to try EFT, and this has been a long-winded intro that would have probably best been broken up in multiple posts in an attempt to help, or at least echo, the few others who have succumbed to a downward spiral.