What I was trying to illustrate in my earlier reply was that the true measure of growth is in your focus, not your environment. And that
shifting your focus will impact your environment much more than shifting your environment will impact your focus. Because, all things being equal, you will see better results if you shift your focus and THEN take action to shift your environment, rather than the other way around.
Let me see if I can illustrate this a little more clearly using the examples from the original post.
From the outside looking in the person in Scenario B has grown more than the person in Scenario A, but is person B really equipped to grow faster? Let's compare both scenarios and see if we can find out.
(Editors note: For the sake of brevity I'm only going to use one example to explain what I mean. But since my insights are coming from a consciously cultivated and fine-tuned focus, I can easily apply my focus to nearly any example and come up with an intelligent approach for shifting into a focus that will naturally yield the desired results. I actually planned on comparing each scenario point by point and offering what I might do to release resistance in each situation, but I ended up going so deep with the first comparison that it didn't feel necessary to elaborate any further.)
Quote:
| Scenario A – You wake up on a typical weekday morning, alone.
|
Quote:
| Scenario B – You wake up on a typical weekday morning.
|
These two sentences are exactly the same—with one exception: Person A wakes up and immediately focuses on the lack of what they want rather than their ability to give themselves what they want.
While the example tells us nothing about how Person B would handle their situation if their lover left, at least we know they're currently focused on what they do desire, rather than the lack of it.
Let's embellish Scenario A so that we can create a more detailed example of how we might make peace with that situation.
Embellished example:
Let's say that you want to meet someone you might be interested in being in a relationship with, but you're deathly afraid of being rejected. This fear leads you to not risk any rejection at all, and idly hope that something will change on its own. Every time you see someone you're interested in you hope that you'll somehow magically end up together and then curse yourself for not having the courage to approach them after the opportunity has passed you by. Every time that you wake up and notice you're alone your mind flashes back to all those missed opportunities, and you feel like crap because you know you have no one to blame for this situation but yourself.
How I might make peace with that situation:
Rather than kicking myself for the desires I haven't yet manifested, I'd acknowledge myself for the desires my actions were easily meeting. Then, rather than trying to immediately create my desired environment, I'd aim to see each new encounter as an opportunity to improve my focus.
Diving deeper:
So let's say you're at a party and you notice an attractive women sitting alone. The first thing you notice is how much you might desire to be with her—but before you can even enjoy the pleasurable thoughts of being with her your focus jumps right to your fear of rejection and you lock up. This is to be expected because you've encountered many situations like this and this is how you've become accustom to reacting. However, this time you're not focusing on your failure to react in the way you desire; you're focusing on you ability to see this situation differently. And so rather than focusing on how you'd like to act, you start looking for ways in which your actions are already meeting your desires. And you notice that in this moment, your desire to not be rejected is far greater than your desire to strike up a conversation with a potential mate. And look! Your actions are in perfect alignment with that desire! You desire to not be rejected, and you're not putting yourself at risk for rejection! Well done!
Of course since you've trained yourself into thinking that the only appropriate response to this situation is to summon your courage and go talk to her, you may not feel great about how this turned out right away. And you may not see how practicing your ability to NOT talk to women is going to help you get what you want. But let's fast forward a little and see how this might play out in the long run.
With practice you start skipping the whole "experiencing the fear of being rejected phase" and immediately see your actions for the desires they're meeting. You'll be able to see an attractive woman from across the room and feel the freedom of NOT having to go up and talk to her. You'll marvel at how you are totally unafraid around her even though just a short while ago this sort of situation would have scared you stiff.
You'll start waking up in the mornings thinking about all the desires you can currently manifest for yourself, rather than the missed opportunities that punctuate a desire that you haven't yet shifted into alignment with. And this sort of shift in focus will begin to impact the other areas of your life. And things you discover from focusing differently in those areas will be useful insights to one day help you with desires that now seem out of reach.
Eventually you might even be able to stare right at a beautiful women and think "Wow, look at me. Meeting my desires so easily. I bet a chick like that might dig a guy like me who can so easily meet his desires. Hah! Too bad she isn't going to find out anytime soon because I don't have to life a finger to go talk to her."
Of course, that sort of focus might lead you to wonder what would happen if you did go up and talk to her now. And then you might get scared again. But the beauty of this focus is that you have the FREEDOM to focus on a different desire when your current desire seems painfully out of reach. And once you realize that you have the ability to stop the pain that may come from things like rejection (by changing your focus, not merely avoiding things that may lead to that pain), then the risk involved eventually becomes a moot point.
If going after your desires is the equivalent to stepping on the accelerator, then learning to shift your focus is the equivalent to installing brakes. The fun is in the accelerating, but you'll have the freedom to go a whole lot faster once you realize YOU have the power to control the brakes. The alternative is to create an environment where no brakes are needed. Where you can keep driving in circles at a very fast pace without worry of hitting anything because you know the terrain so well. Which works perfectly fine until you decide to set your sights on a whole new destination in life and realize that you can't take that environment with you. And even if you've developed the best of construction skills, your ability to alter the terrain will never allow you to travel as fast as anyone who's learned to master the brakes.
PS: I actually used a similar focus to attract my current lover. It was amazingly effortless and she was the one who ended up approaching me. But because my focus was firmly on how I was focused and not on trying to control how things worked out with her, I always felt in control of the situation. The first time she came over to my place my bedroom was a mess. Normally I would have cleaned up to make sure I didn't do anything that would possibly mess up my chances of getting laid. But this time my focus was on doing what felt good to me, not trying to make things happen by altering my environment. So I just told her "this is my natural environment," and we threw a few things off the bed and ended up having stress-free sex right in the middle of all that clutter
