[Maguru]

I wasn't religeous as such but I spent a whole lifetime worrying about pleasing god and avoiding the devil. I worked very hard to be good and to raise my children in a 'proper' manner. Then when it came my turn to have a life, I had a breakdown and attempted suicide. Twice.
Following the two failures I had nowhere else to go but within. I had to discover what the hell was wrong with me. I was indeed in hell. I was looking for god to save me but he didn't. I was years swirling in sadness, sorrow, despair, anguish, fear, dread, terror, the whole gammut of the shittiest feelings imaginable. Wishing I was dead to wishing I had never been born.
I challenged myself like I have never challenged before.
I danced the dance of my life. My partner was the devil. I looked him straight in the eye and I could see the truth. I faced each and every thing the devil threw at me. He was mighty strong to break through my illusions. He showed me being 'good' wasn't all it was cracked up to be. He showed me hypocracy, apathy, selfishness, propaganda, disloyalty, lies, deceit and many more all gathered under the banner of evil.
A whole new side of life opened up to me. The dark side of life. The whole truth of life as we live it. As we danced, each step took me to a new level of understanding. I came to know that to ignore evil, avoid it or deny it gives it more power.
As the dance is nearly over, I know the devil was not responsible at all. I realize that it was all me. It was all within my consciousness and subconsciousness creating my life through my perceptions. Who I thought I was, was a construct of my mind. The devil showed me this but then again, isn't he a construct of my mind too?