It's been a while, and some of you in this thread requested an update as to how this story ended up.
Well, I can't say the story is ended, but things have since happened and, if I may so myself, only for the better for all involved.
First off, I've since made sure that this problem will (with very very high certainty) never happen to a third child. I've had a vasectomy, and it feels great not having to rely on anyone else to avoid having more children. I was getting a bit paranoid about traditional BC methods, and it's a great way to "physically" explain to any potential partner that I don't want any more children, and that yes, I really mean it.
Some commented on my failing to insist on condoms and/or having the vasectomy earlier - they are correct in the sense that I never brought up the subjects of condoms to my wife nor checked my options regarding a vasectomy with a doctor.
Secondly, after the e-mail conversation with Johnny, and several other friends, I took the initiative to improve the situation. For the interested, I've listed some of the changes I made. Several of them might seem trivial to you, but all of them helped me in some way, and today I'm actually very happy with the situation, and to the best of my knowledge, my children are happy with how their father has turned out
The daily interactions has changed from somewhat stressful to much more loving. For example, my daughter sometimes want to hang out with me and stay at my place in addition to the planned 5 days. I feel really great about that, and almost always find a way to accomodate her wishes.
- My ex-wife and I agreed to change our split to 5/9 instead of 7/7. Recently, my ex got an au pair so the practical burden on her has diminished quite a bit. I'm very happy with that arrangement and it pleases me a lot to see my ex happy.
- I began attending (and still attend) counselling sessions, where one of the goals was to improve my relationship to my children. The counsellor has been very helpful in that regard, to the point where I catch myself actually look forward to picking up and having my children stay with me I think they can feel the change too, since they've become a lot easier on me and much less whiny. It's very rewarding to watch the changes happen to our relationship so fast - I guess there's a lot less friction and bitterness involved with a parent/child relationship at that age.
- I've found a way to be jobless and work as a consultant, which is _much_ more suitable for my taste. I hated the job I had for about a year.
- My children have aged (surprise! ) It's no secret that I the most difficulties with my son, at least partly because of his young age (he was 2 at the time, now approaching 4) with his higher demands on my constant attention and practical help.
- ... and a lot of little practical changes that add up. For example: I dislike packing the lunch packs, so instead of making both myself alone in the kitchen, my daughter is making her own while I make the one for my son. More fun that way. Secondly, I've increased my income enough to buy a cheap car so it's much easier to get around town with the children.