Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno
Elias AND HIS PARTNER used contraceptive medication which SHE took orally, (because HIS taking it wouldn't have accomplished anything) and they both relied upon it to prevent them from having children.
You really can't have it both ways. Either his partner used BC and had a baby anyway, or they both used it and both
of them had a baby. Don't make me go up-thread to quote that one, because I'm already cranky about this.
I'm not sure why you're so stuck on absolving the OP of his responsibility for ensuring that fatherhood only happened to others, but raising the signal to noise ratio isn't obscuring his rather stunning lack of forethought. And getting a vasectomy isn't exactly like requesting elective brain surgery. Even in Canada. So, being persistent would have been enough to ensure no children in his future. But, hey, it doesn't look like he tried.
I actually sympathize with the OP. Joint custody, if you're not particularly interested in small children or feeling compentent as a parent, is onerous. You have sole responsibility for little alien critters for seven days in a row. Whoof. That's why my ex-husband and I moved rather rapidly from joint custody (it wasn't my idea) to two four day periods per month. That way, his chances of being a good parent were optimized and he didn't get worn out.
However, I think one of the underlying problems here was resentment and I'm curious as to whether you recommended counselling.