Gidday qwerty, I can relate to what you are saying. I was abused as a kid, and that set me up for blaming myself, and ultimately creating a poor self image about myself. As I carried that around, I would find myself in abusive situations, and relationships and friendships. In a classic catch twenty two, self perpetuating, snowballing effect, things just kept rolling along. Finally I got sick of it, and learned to change myself, and view, and value myself differently...which isn't always easy, especially if you feel that you haven't, and haven't actually done anything wrong. But, after much resistance, and discomfort, I eventually bit the bullet, and accepted that I was creating, and attracting the situations. There are a myriad of things that can unconsciously effect, and colour our self image, and self esteem negatively, and you don't have to be abused or necessarily have experienced anything bad for it to happen. But, as I described earlier, the effect, once started, if not recognised and dealt with, acts in the classic snowball scenario. The deluxe news is, you recognise a situation you want to change, and are already acting on it. Very wise, very empowering. My advice is to put all that good energy into changing you, your self image, your self thoughts (and there are a zillion effective ways to do that...ways that will appeal to and suit you), and if you do that I know beyond doubt that you will attract the friendships you deserve and desire. The snowball effect will still be there, but will work for you, not against you! And at the same time, one of your best, most awesome, trustworthy friends will be you.
