First of all, I don't think that anything is unforgivable. The question I see is, can he become the right man for you? I think he's already blew that opportunity.
You said you didn't love him and that you can't see yourself having sex with him. Those are two huge cornerstones of a relationship.
As far as your child is concerned, I think you owe it to her to be a happy and loving mom. She is going to suck up the energy and emotions that you are feeling and she's going to take them as her own. The longer you are with this guy the worse you are going to feel and the worse you are going to express your love to others.
If you are going to give him another chance, then you need to be upfront with him. Tell him you will not tolerate his way of life anymore. You are a person that deserves love and respect all the time. You can't have the lying and the emotional drainage in you or your childs life anymore. You are done bending for him. At the very he least he has to make his way back to even to be a part of your life. He is going to have to be a better man to stay in this relationship. Ask him why he has stooped so far? Why has he accepted this behavior from himself? Call his mom and ask why they support his behavior? The illusion won't last forever, why are they delaying the responsibility he needs to take to become the man he should be? Only someone who's ashamed of themselves would pretend to be someone else.
If he's not who he wants to be: fine. We all want to improve. But why isn't he working to become who he wants to be?
Another option would be to have him write down his goals in life of what kind of man he wants to be. Then write down a plan to achieve them. Then achieve them. Most of his problems aren't monetary in nature, they are stuff he can actually work on immediately. Make him prove that he's on a path of self-improvement.
But, I think for your sake, you are best off dumping him for someone who isn't going to be a soulsucker. Your kid will get over it, just make sure the next guy is going to be someone who's right for both of you.  |