[Lotus]

Depression is a bitch. I'm 26, and I've had problems with major depression since I was 12. Mine has been directly related to having multiple chronic health problems (mostly autoimmune) including type 1a diabetes, post-lingual deafness from AIED (at age 20, I have a cochlar implant now), recurring polychondritis, a wegener's-like interstitial vasculitis of the lungs (which culminated in chemotherapy), untreatable ulcerative colitis (which is now a moot point, goodbye colon!), liver problems... it's a long, boring list.

Last January (Friday, Jan 20, 11:30 a.m.) I tried to kill myself. I took about 35 days worth of fast-acting insulin (I use an insulin pump for my diabetes, so having 3 months worth of fact-acting insulin in my fridge is a neccessity). Obviously it didn't kill me. I'm left with a strange fearlessness of death. I used to worry a lot about "what comes next," until I tried to off myself; now, it just doesn't bother me. Common side-effect of surviving suicide? I don't know. I try not to surround myself with depressives, because we're a group that tends to live in our heads far too much.

Surround yourself with out-going people. One of the most dangerous aspects of depression is its ability to mire you in a viscious cycle of seclusion: you don't feel like interacting, so you don't interact; the more you don't interact, the more you don't want to interact; etc...

It's a self-miring bog that can become disturbingly comforting. I tend to be so drained from social interaction that I want to just fold up into myself at times. I know this is not good for me, so I force myself to go out and be social, despite the stress it causes me initially.

Don't discount anti-depressants, but BE CAREFUL when taking them. It's become almost trite to even mention it, but during the first couple of months of SSRI anti-depressant therapy, you may be at increased risk for suicide. I've been on and off of anti-depressants for well nigh 14 years, and I only tried to kill myself after I'd been taking a big-gun anti-depressant for 2 months. It can give you the energy and motivation you need to harm yourself before the "I feel like me again" feelings begin to emerge.

Exercise. Yes, you need it. Yes, everyone says it's good for you. Yes, the thought of getting up and actually purposefully moving is about as appealing as sticking your hand in a pot full of boiling water, especially when you are caught in the throws of depression. But even a 10 minute walk every day can make a huge difference.

Laugh. (How pathetic is this? Our brains don't know the difference between a fake laugh and a spontaneous laugh.) Rent comedy movies that make you smile and laugh out loud. (I keep Monty Python and the Holy Grail around, and Office Space, and lots of really stupid zombie movies.) You can induce feel-good chemicals to flood your brain by just laughing. Subscribe to a comic strip (I prefer Dilbert, Penny Arcade, Get Fuzzy, and Foxtrot) that you enjoy. Hang around with friends who are complete chuckle-sluts, i.e. they'll do just about anything to get a laugh out of their audience.

Keep a daily routine of personal grooming and hygene. Routines are very important for depressed individuals. Even if you don't feel like getting in the shower and fixing your hair and face every day... do it. Just taking care of yourself is an important step in defeating the horrible emptiness of depression. The days that you feel grubby and nasty on the outside are the days when it's easiest to feel nasty on the inside.

Recognize self-directed anger. This tends to be a difficult concept for people who suffer chronic depression. (I'm about as dangerous as a sleepy kitten, but I tend to internalize all my emotions, rather than expressing them.) The more you fire the sequence of neurons that say "dude, I --like-- suck," the more those neurons confirm themselves as a thought-pattern in your head. Self-directed anger ("I suck" thinking) becomes habitual or reactionary. Remember the adage: neurons that fire together... wire together.

I'm venturing into the dreaded redundancy territory, so I'll just point up in the thread for more advice. If you feel suicidal, then definitely get into therapy or check yourself into a mental hospital. I've been there; they aren't bad places--they're safe-havens.

PM me or email me if you want to talk one-on-one.