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Radio · 05-19-2007, 06:25 PM

Hello Dead Boy,

I also feel your pain. My 13 year old daughter lives in Florida as well, and I live on the west coast. Last time she came to visit me (December) I noticed she got gotten into a sort of teenage vibe. She didn't want to go out. All she did was talk on the phone with her friends, surf the net, and watch TV.

So she basically wasted her trip stuck in the house because she refused to go out and do anything with me. That was the first time she had reacted that way on a visit. On previous visits we would go to theme parks, sporting events, miniature golf, the movies, etc. This last time, nothing. She was completely shut down, and I was very worried.

After she went back home I started feeling a major negative change. She would no longer call or email me. When we did talk on the phone she would cut me off almost immediately. She would answer all my questions with a "yes" or "no", but wouldn't elaborate, etc. I was desperate and didn't know what to do about it.

After trying every possible tactic to get closer to my daughter, I simply started writing her letters telling her how I felt and how much I loved her. I told her about the mistakes I had made in life, and about the future I wanted to build for her.

Slowly but surely those heartfelt letters got a reaction out of her. She started calling me again, making jokes on the phone, and making plans for our summer vacation. She even said recently that when she goes to college, she wants to come live close to me. So she's already thinking about how we're going to interact when she's an adult.

The only thing I could think of that clicked in my situation is that she has grown up. She is no longer a child, and perhaps wanted me to treat her more like an adult, and not like the little princess that she had always been. At least in the last two months, my words have meant more to her than my gifts, and I have seen a drastic change for the positive.

So I know every situation is different, but that might be another tactic that you could try. It might not be scientifically proven or approved by Dr. Phil, but at least it worked for me.

I also considered moving to Florida to be closer to her, but my career keeps me moving around constantly, so moving to Florida would also mean changing careers ---- and even though my daughter is worth it, I know the financial hit will affect me, and it will affect her, since her mother depends entirely on the child support she gets from me.

Plus I did that once before and it backfired on me. In 2000 I made a move from Honolulu to Miami to be closer to her, and six months later her mother got married and moved to Rhode Island, giving me about 3 days notice. Eventually she moved back to Miami and I was close to my daughter again, but obviously her mother's priorities are different than mine, so you never know what the future holds.

Best of luck to you and keep your head up!

05-19-2007, 06:25 PM	#4 (permalink)
Radio Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 13	Hello Dead Boy, I also feel your pain. My 13 year old daughter lives in Florida as well, and I live on the west coast. Last time she came to visit me (December) I noticed she got gotten into a sort of teenage vibe. She didn't want to go out. All she did was talk on the phone with her friends, surf the net, and watch TV. So she basically wasted her trip stuck in the house because she refused to go out and do anything with me. That was the first time she had reacted that way on a visit. On previous visits we would go to theme parks, sporting events, miniature golf, the movies, etc. This last time, nothing. She was completely shut down, and I was very worried. After she went back home I started feeling a major negative change. She would no longer call or email me. When we did talk on the phone she would cut me off almost immediately. She would answer all my questions with a "yes" or "no", but wouldn't elaborate, etc. I was desperate and didn't know what to do about it. After trying every possible tactic to get closer to my daughter, I simply started writing her letters telling her how I felt and how much I loved her. I told her about the mistakes I had made in life, and about the future I wanted to build for her. Slowly but surely those heartfelt letters got a reaction out of her. She started calling me again, making jokes on the phone, and making plans for our summer vacation. She even said recently that when she goes to college, she wants to come live close to me. So she's already thinking about how we're going to interact when she's an adult. The only thing I could think of that clicked in my situation is that she has grown up. She is no longer a child, and perhaps wanted me to treat her more like an adult, and not like the little princess that she had always been. At least in the last two months, my words have meant more to her than my gifts, and I have seen a drastic change for the positive. So I know every situation is different, but that might be another tactic that you could try. It might not be scientifically proven or approved by Dr. Phil, but at least it worked for me. I also considered moving to Florida to be closer to her, but my career keeps me moving around constantly, so moving to Florida would also mean changing careers ---- and even though my daughter is worth it, I know the financial hit will affect me, and it will affect her, since her mother depends entirely on the child support she gets from me. Plus I did that once before and it backfired on me. In 2000 I made a move from Honolulu to Miami to be closer to her, and six months later her mother got married and moved to Rhode Island, giving me about 3 days notice. Eventually she moved back to Miami and I was close to my daughter again, but obviously her mother's priorities are different than mine, so you never know what the future holds. Best of luck to you and keep your head up!