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Originally Posted by wystan  I have absolutely no idea who Steve Pavlina is or what his angle is. It's not giving me the creeps, so that's a good thing. I will check it out, I guess. Is he / this forum a CBT practitioner or something? |
In that case, welcome to his website
. I don't know what CBT is, but he is too multi-faceted and "mentally flexible" to label as a practitioner of one thing or another.
Like Injoy, I have tried therapy and found it useless, and it sounds like maybe your situation isn't as serious as at least mine had been, so you may not need to consider therapy, but at least I am nearly 100% certain that it would be more productive for you to try a different approach. It might save you years of time and frustration which would result from continuing with a method that helps neither you nor your mother.
I found this website in January and from reading on it, I got more useful information for all life issues than I got in x years of therapy and psycho-analyzing myself. It's just a question of figuring out how to implement what you read here properly so you get results...but before ever trying, most people get tripped up on just accepting the information and rather argue or debate about it on the website than use it, so if you get caught up in that, it won't be of use for your situation, but it would provide you with a distraction from your problems.
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Originally Posted by wystan I am not sure whether people on this forum can see any pattern in my judgements outlined above and what they say about me or whether they see any profit in doing so. |
I'm sure there are patterns there to be seen, but at least for me, would take more careful reflection than I have time to do. If you want to take a shortcut to a solution, try reading up on this website. I am trying what is described in that article I linked to, which I had read about before I saw that. I don't know if it is helping the other person in question, as we don't have regular contact, but it is helping me. That already makes it better than therapy.
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Originally Posted by wystan Thanks for your help. I just spoke to my boyfriend about this forum and he, quietly, so as not to 'get me going,' I imagine said, 'yes, you are harsh and judgemental of your mother.' |
That is normal, though, because she is your mother and not his. I don't think you should spend any time feeling bad about that or that it is wrong, but what you should do is work on it in yourself, which is easy to do in the way described in the blog I linked to. Another reference is this:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...-no-out-there/
It's a Hawaiian method called "ho'oponopono" and I actually got the main part of my understanding how to do it from this site
Self Identity through Ho`oponopono
It is based on the idea, like in Buddhism, that there is only one consciousness, and, logically, therefore, when you heal something in yourself, or you find peace with resistances within yourself, the situation or person in which that resistance appears will also improve. I am new at it and it takes discipline to remember to do it and then to do it, but after all these years, I can say it is the best thing I have found for dealing with all issues. It's just hard to describe to another person how to do it, because it is a very internal experience and I think if you are doing it right, you can feel a release in yourself and acceptance and peace coming in regarding issues around the relationship and the person in question.