Michael, it looks like I've triggered a defensive feeling in you, just like what I was talking about doing -- so I guess I've mirrored exactly the thing I was talking about! I'm sorry about that.
You're 30 years old, right? So, would you not agree that you don't need parenting from these two so much as you would like to have a great relationship among adults? Or am I wrong, and you feel longing for mothering or fathering?
If it's an adult relationship you're striving for, I think it would behoove you to take 100% responsibility for the relationship. In your original post, it appears to me that you put at least half (probably more) of the responsibility for creating your relationship onto mum & dad. You're welcome to do that, of course; I certainly didn't mean to make you feel wrong or stupid about it! But: is that working? What I meant to point out to you is that you have a habitual way of being with your parents (and yes, it sounds like it involves judging them. it also sounds like you do a lot of judging of yourself!) On the contrary, I think you're very intelligent and courageous for opening yourself up to alternate viewpoints here on this forum.
Can you see where you are free to let go of something regarding your parents (you don't have to let go of your actual parents!) and try on another way of being? Yes, it would involve taking 100% responsibility for your life, your satisfaction, and your fulfillment, and that is a huge thing to take on. Are you willing to do that, or do you want to go on with the feeling that all or most of the power is outside of yourself?
Best wishes and lots of love,
angela
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