Anyone can change if they really want to, but it seems your mother doesn't. For most people, after they reach a certain age, it is difficult to change their beliefs. Perhaps they use the excuse that "It's always worked for me" or "I'm too old to change" or "I don't want to change." I'm not saying that it is difficult to change beliefs when people get old - but many people hold this idea and remain steadfast to it. It probably is easier for your mom to remain the martyr (if that really is the case) than it is to take responsibility.
But after a while, you realize that you can fight with them or you can choose to accept their decision not to change. The former might work, but with your previous attempts to change her mind nothing was accomplished, right? She wouldn't be angry as you say she is now if it worked. I know that you feel that by changing herself she will enjoy her life more and raise herself up to a better position, but she doesn't want to do that. It hurts to see someone you love choose this path, but it is better to look past it and choose to work through the relationship despite this obstacle. You are both different people with different mentalities.
If you feel she is controlling the family, do not give your power over to her. If she does do some immature things, let her know that you believe those acts are disrespectful. Help her realize that what she is doing is also playing part in the way the relationship is going. If she fails to understand that and continues to behave in the way she does, what other choice do you have but to limit your time with her?
|