Hi Trina
I think many people struggle with the same issues that you are having. Some of this certainly is evoked by societal pressures/beliefs about beauty.
Dove has an interesting campaign exploring this. You may have seen this "
movie" showing the transformation of a model from how she really looks to what her billboard looked like--i.e. completely different.
I do not know why the self worth of so many women is tied to the number on the scale or the size of one's jeans. I know that I have struggled with this myself trying to balance the strange dichotomy of being valued for who I was vs. how I viewed myself due to the highs or lows on the scale. I finally decided to approach my body and my eating from a wellness perspective and started treating my body like a high end automobile. Would you stick regular gas in a Porsche? Would you try to fuel it with Crisco? Do you love yourself enough to give your body the best fuel & care? Like Matthew, I started replacing the bad habits with better ones. This changed my body dramatically. You can see the pictures
here if you are interested. While my body changed considerably, the biggest and lasting change can be seen on my face....look at how my smile grew as I progressed and became healthier. Some similar examples are
here and
here. There is no quick fix. It takes time and perseverance to make a big change. In many ways, I find maintenance harder than sticking to a goal oriented weight loss plan.
One great thing about the internet is that so often only one's thoughts and words matter. You are not prejudged immediately by skin color, accent, posture, manners, hygiene, style of dress, or body weight. How liberating! However, in the real world, it is almost impossible not to make instantaneous judgements based on these factors. There is a women down the hall from me who must be 250 lbs over weight. She is so sick from mistreating her body that she wears oxygen all of the time. In spite of this, there is almost a box of krispy kreme donuts in her office (12-24/box). This I don't understand. She is an intelligent, successful, businesswomen and this treatment of her health is really incongruent with her observable successes. In some ways it's like watching a person with a drug addiction knowing they are slowly killing themselves.
I wish you and your sister luck in sorting out your respective self-image issues. This type of thing is tough. Be well.